Street_smart

Experienced Life
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2020-09-07 00:52:01 (UTC)

Reinsipired! ! I got this! 💪

So many things I had to do to make myself a better person that it's so easy to forget. Both my Sisters came to help take care of me. Of course, some of the ugly things that happened to us was discussed. We had a brutal upbringing but then again, we got some positives that gave us a chance to have a great life. It made me think. At first, I recalled all the mental and verbal abuse got as a kid. So to be honest, I was afraid and never had kids till much later in life. Sorta but you know how my life is already.

Anyway, the big thing I forgot and recalled today is to forgive. Forgive for things that happened to you in the past. Forgive yourself for things you may have done in the past. Don't have a soul that is filled with hate, regret, or whatever else terrible things that only eat away at you.

I already forgive my brother for not sharing the stuff my Mom left behind. I even forgive me ex Maria for all the affairs and how she at the time destroyed my heart and soul. I forgive her for not wanting to share the kids with me even though she and I know they both love me. I forgive my Ex Tara. You know, we discussed marriage at one point and moving in together I guess she got scared and changed her mind and that is fine. I do not hold any anger towards her. She got scared and didn't want that type of life. That's fine too.

I recall telling blue Faye a little about my ex wife and she told me how can I be so forgiving to someone that did me so wrong. I told her before that hate festering in you only hurts yourself so why? Why let the happen and if this is a contest in a weird sort of way, why let them win?

So today, I reviewed what i already should know. Forgiveness. For others and yourself. I feel much better now. I know it time, I will heal. I know it time, I till get to work out again and get my dopamine, seratonin, and all those good feeling chemicals back into my body.

I've been depressed at home yes. The surgery messed me up badly. I almost had my first Sister call 911 one day it hurt so bad. But now, I feel better. I"m getting stronger. I don't waddle like a duck as much as before but I still do. lol. I don't bump into the hallway walls anymore when I head to the bathroom. I've been weaning myself off of the norco on my own so hopefully, I can find that balance of pain and being clean of drugs.

So many things I'm inspired to redo again and regain my old self back. Problems in life still exists. I know that. But I am so ready to take it on again. First big lesson for me to remember today was "Forgiveness".

My friend asked if I needed something from Costco and I said yes. Holy crap I needed that help. It's over 100° out there now. I asked for mixed salad, the mutant chicken they have and some of those skinny bell peppers. At first I was glad I have friends that even asked me this but now I remember, I used to do this for this family all the time. I knew they used to have a hard time financially and I'd get food for them but demanded that they not pay me anything. Now they are returning the favor that I forgot I did. That is so awesome because I'm still weak even though I'm getting better.

My unexpected visit from my friends today started an avalanche of deep thinking. I have such great friends, I guess I'm not an asshole as I was thinking I was these past few weeks. You can be your worse enemy. Be careful not to listen to that guy. That's the devil pulling on your strings.

So yeah!!! Getting the new me back!! I'm sure my hallway walls will be happier too now that I'm not bouncing off of them. My superstar friend said to me today that this is when you need Jesus the closest to you. Maybe she is right. :)


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