šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2020-09-06 14:10:21 (UTC)

A Loooong Day.

It's Sunday today.
Woke up at 04:20 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep again.
I have had a good day but a long one. I did manage to doze off again between 0700 and 0800 before breakfast but that wasn't for very long.

Had an unusual dream. I was trying to find B. but I couldn't find him. The dream took me to this place where others were living too and I couldn't find him. It was a really brief dream and when I woke up straight away after it, I had only been asleep for half an hour!

A very long day. I have eaten well. And I mean well. Zero junk food and I am preparing my meals. Nothing from store freezers like readymade dinners, I'm doing all my own cooking. I'm not eating potatoes or store bought bread, white rice or pasta. No candy either except for one tube of chewy mints per week.

Prince Fluff Ball has been sleeping over at nights. He uses the bed on top of the washing machine. He is a beautiful long-haired tuxedo cat. He's my cat now. Someone has abandoned him. I just love my Prince dearly. He's been around for 18 months now if not more and I say he is mine. I tell him I love him too. The other two cats are good. I did their flea treatment doses today. I will get Prince Fluff Ball his dose this coming week.

Well, it's been a beautiful Sabbath Day really and I have no new complaints to mention.
It's a great day when gratitude arrives on the doorstep of life. Having gratitude makes life far more bearable.

I've had a fucken hard life, and so has my daughter. Fucken hard lives. I love my daughter very much even though she is not a part of my life right now.
She lets my grandchildren come and visit me a few times a year. I'm grateful for this beautiful blessing in life. Life is still hard for both of us: health problems firstly and my daughter has to parent 4 children and run a household. She has a husband but I don't know what is going on with their relationship right now. Apparently it hasn't been good (yet again).
I can't spend the rest of my life in fear for my little family. I done this for the longest time. Just over it.

Well. I've worked hard on my recovery program this weekend.

Managed to keep up my diary writing and journalling daily, which is great. I'm pretty well pleased with my own efforts to make life more purposeful and meaningful. No one else can do this work for me and I don't want anyone to either. I can do my own work.

I'm meant to be going to a town meeting Monday night. I don't think I want to. It's this other person who will be there, and I have had a recent fight with her. I'm a little scared I'll punch her fucken face over. I can't stand the bitch. Known her oppressive personality and soul for 9 years too many. She's not a nice person at all. A monster actually with a friendly smile.
So, I think I'll cancel the meeting attendance. She'll use an audience to have a go at me.

You know? There are so many sick people who don't want to do anything about their health, it just makes me want to avoid them altogether by staying home for the next year too.
I want to get better. I really don't feel safe in the world much.

Covid19 is one virus, but humanity is becoming ever sicker in other ways too. Even the majority approach to COVID19 proves that.
There is just too much insanity around.





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