Gorgeous_Nightmare

The World Behind My Wall
2020-09-03 23:50:01 (UTC)

I Think I'm Okay

I don't want to jinx anything, but I think we're going to be okay.
I've touched a little bit on how I've been slightly paranoid, which I have every right to be and I need to understand that I'm not necessarily acting irrationally because he has indeed hurt me before, but I've also gotten through to myself that if I truly want us to move forward I need to chill out. Granted he doesn't know that I've been feeling this way because he already feels bad enough about what happened and the last thing I want to do is make him feel worse because that will lead to him telling himself he doesn't deserve me and then him reclusing and boom back to square one. That and there really isn't a reason to bring it up when he's not doing anything wrong (that I know of) to make me paranoid. He gives me answers for the most part if I ask about someone. For example, he opened his snap chat and I saw a list of people, the first two being girls that were recent and he told me who they were without me saying anything. Which I think is nice. I do the same thing. I can't be hypocritical I have friends that are guys, he can have friends that are girls. I've never been the controlling type and I don't plan to start now.

He came over Tuesday and spent the night with me. He eats out a lot so I decided to surprise him with a homecooked meal and he absolutely loved it. He likes everything I cook and I love that. I love having a reason to cook things outside of my diet foods. He prefers to eat out because it's cheaper to him, idk how that is but okay lol. We watched the second Silent Hill movie since neither of us had seen it, it was pretty disappointing. I had taken an edible right before so after the movie we came into my room and laid down and talked for hours. He kept making me laugh and the smile on his face was cute as fuck. I upset him though because we got to the point of doing the deed and I told him he wasn't allowed to cum until I told him to. He said okay and then at some point he said he didn't think he was going to make it and I told him "just a little while longer" and then he exhausted himself and didn't finish. He said I got greedy and I felt bad. I didn't mean for it to take a wrong turn, but it happens. He told me not to do it again and I felt like a child that got their hand slapped lol. But I made up for it in the morning when we woke up. He then asked me to run an errand with him. I was expecting us to eat and then him leave, so him asking me to go with him and then come back, eat, and watch a movie was a nice surprise. I love when he wants to spend time with me and shows it. He's also been super talkative today which is nice as well.

I know I have some personal things to work on when it comes to us, such as the paranoia and being slightly clingy, but I've been working on it and it's slowly getting better. I just know I have to be patient with myself and with him as well.

Outside of our situation things seem to be taking a turn for the better. Work is still stressful as fuck, but we're making it. I'm so ready for COVID to go away. It's awful here and my store does testing for it. It's utter chaos. I'm really surprised I haven't gotten it yet even though I've been exposed to it multiple times now.

Regardless of everything...I think I'm okay.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK-8TCDrbV8&ab_channel=MGKVEVO

Until next time.




Ad: