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feeling v bad day 4
easily the toughest stretch of the past 6 months. both grandparents are sick; grandpa in and out of the hospital lately, pneumonia and heart attack from the pneumonia. nonna with worsening dementia throughout the pandemic. both need constant care now, my parents are in mtl in increasingly longer intervals. and i'm here trying to manage this nightmarish spiral while trying to hold it together long enough to not get cut off (or worse) of my social assistance. pure misery. really sucks! i've had no choice but to be gentle with myself, it's total collapse otherwise. this doesn't even touch on anything outside the bubble. wish i had someone, some support. monique never emailed me back.
"i wouldn't mind if you took me in my sleep tonight. i wouldn't even put up a fight."