Had Better Days 🥵
I'm hurting. Plain and simple. The initial debilitating pain I had is at least gone. I mentioned this already but the feeling of glass shards in my neck the first couple of weeks was brutal. Waking up to the pain of a glass shard is enough to make a man cry and whimper. I know because I did and I can tolerate a lot of pain.
Visited my primary care physician just to get as assessment on how I'm doing as mandated by the hospital. I'm healing ok. No infection on my scar but it itches so badly. Dr said the glass shard I feel is not my spinal cord. It's in my muscles where they operated on in the back. I already mentioned this and he said that after the cut, the had clamps that stretched out my cut so they could go in and do their thing. I tried doing something stupid and tried to trim down on the norco I'm taking and boy, that was a mistake. Tried it one night, went to bed and the next day, I couldn't even make it out of bed.
I had surgery on Aug 11th. Not it's the 31st. I can not deal with the regular pain and that pain is like someone slammed a sledge hammer on my back. This I can handle.Also, the clamps on my head during surgery caused some injuries too. There were four camp posts need to keep my head in place. I ikons because the clamps went past my scalp into my head causing bleeding in all four points of contact. Also, since it w clamped so hard, there are like 4 lumps on my head that feels like it wa cause by someone whacking my head. I had a hard time speaking because they shoved a tube down my throat guy considering the other pain, this was nothing to worry about for now.
I still can't walk straight. I know I lost a lot of blood and I feel maybe 30-35% of my strength. Now my main pain is the constant shoulder pain. I got 2 rods and 8 screws in my neck that I'm sure is causing me the discomfort. I guess breaking the c3 fused bond and moving it back wasn't something that tickled either.
My Sister finally left and my other sister came over. Hopefully she is a bit more positive that my other Sister. First Sister was her to help so yes, she was cool for doing that. But get this, our Mom died last July. First Sister says that she didn't got to heaven and is in hell. Then Sister says she doesn't consider having a Mother.. Now what the hell is that? Sister is retired and she attends church a lot. She teaches a little on how to speak the bible and not just read the words. She is like a toast master type of groupie. She's been to other Countries to see their churches and cultures learning their ways and to be closer to God.
Now me, I'm full of crap. Sure, I attend church and can't recite bible verses to save my life but I know this. My Sister's heart is not where she needs it to be. All that time going to church and this trips to other countries churches is a waste of time with a heart like that.
I tried to tell my Sister that she should work on her heart and not so much worry about te choir, toastmaster's bible speeches, etc, etc. Be right i your heart. You know what she said? She said she don't need me to preach to her.Uh...ok.Be that way then. So this just goes to show, just because you go to church, doesn't mean you are right with God. To me, I'm thinking why bother? May as well go play black jack and the casino rather than waste you time pretending to be a loving catholic peron.
This make me question what I do too. Maybe I'm full of crap and maybe I shouldn't go to Church anymore and just do my thing living in my worldly ways of what I believe and or want.
I just know this daily pain sucks and I can't stand it anymore fighting like this is stupid and the daily pain is reaching th e nav point for me. i a so fricking down with this pain already.
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