Time Flies

Tempis Fugit
2020-08-30 03:32:23 (UTC)

Vegetable love

Sometimes I worry. I have been email exchanging with this woman who barely responds and most of the time doesn’t answer my questions.

The back story is, I asked my wife for a divorce. She said no. She caught me messaging this woman who is my love from HS. Now almost two months later I still send her emails and still don’t really get feedback. I know she’s got her guard up because I got caught messaging and my wife read some of the exchanges. I know she’s not wanting to be “the other woman”.

So I really don’t know if Rebecca, my ex, is into me for sure. She has said vague things that make me think for sure she is, but then again... nothing says I’m into you like someone saying I’m into you...

So I named this vegetable love because sometime I feel like I’m trying to fall I love... like I’m pushing myself away from my wife to be in love with someone who does not give love back. I do know I’d be pushing away from my wife regardless, but am I expending too much effort on this woman? What if I separate and arrange to see her and she’s just like... meh...

On another note, the sex with my wife 2 mo the ago was so bad, so awkward and uncomfortable, I have been thinking I just don’t think I’m ever gonna want to attempt that again, with anyone. Really. I was terrified, and it showed. It’s not like my parts don’t work, they certainly do, but what is in my head is just not synchronized with my ability to engage. I do t know if that makes sense... I was awkward and she didn’t help. I was a deer in headlights... enough of that talk... I’m a grown ass man, I shouldn’t feel all those embarrassed thoughts.

I’ve been in therapy for about a month now. It’s a lot like writing here, but it actually gets read and I actually get a response.




Ad: