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2020-08-27 19:14:27 (UTC)

Moving on

It’s not amazing or spectacular, but it’s steps in the right direction. Finally getting it all off my chest about what you’ve done to hurt me. It’s sad that it had to be in an email. It had to be done though. I can hope that maybe seeing things from my point of view will help. I’d like to think so when you called today but then said you would call back and didn’t. I’m not surprised, but you are putting a big emphasis on exactly what I was saying. I know change is slow. But you haven’t really said anything about anything. It’s fine. I was confident enough to be assertive with how I felt. It’s said and done as I said only you can fix things.

Good news though today. By this weekend the grandbaby will be here and I’m only sad that I can’t be up there for it. It’s all good. I’m making plans to head up there in October. It’s still in the planning stages right now. It’ll be nice to visit as well. Next weekend I’ll be helping Pooh Bear out and so I won’t be home for about four days. I’ll have to arrange for what I want to have to eat while I’m there. Then there’s next month and I’ll have to do my best to get through. I’ve been doing it for a while now. I hide it pretty good about how I’m doing fine. I’m still working through it, but the kids don’t need that on them. That’s something I just deal with when I’m on my own.

Today was spent catching up with everyone about the baby and then trying to get the house in order again. I’ve even managed to get some posting done. It’s part of trying to put things back together with me and I’ll admit keep myself busy. If he wants to talk to me, it’s easy to do. For the time being though I really am trying to put things together. It’s nearly September and before I know it March will be here. While I have to wait on some things, I can still do much of the prep now. Things will be moving faster then. So many things that I want to do and am excited to do, but at the same time it’s making time move as I wait to get there. Fixing my teeth, getting a new car, starting school and getting that underway. Possibly moving. Then in April a visit with an old friend that I haven’t seen in ages. Then it will be school and work until I finish school. Until then I can’t stop and maybe slow down a bit. Trips and visits. I don’t know really at this point. As my bestie pointed out, it’s all about me since it would seem another chapter has come to an end. Then if I can get my social anxiety in order, possibly joining your thing. Though I’m not sure about that just yet.

So much changing and it’s all coming fast. Now that it’s only me, I can now focus things on what I want. I had offered to help and even thought something that wasn’t there so even offered about living together and that was a flop but of course you beat around the bush about it. There was another 180 and then it was nothing. Just like the conversations today that were basically fluff. It’s time to go forward and right now while I’m stuck with some L’s I know the wins are coming. I just am a little excited and want them now. It’ll all change soon enough though.

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