Lullaby of Woe
Diary of the lost
I don't want to be here
I've come to the realization months ago that I don't like to work an office job anymore for the rest of my life. I chose to pursue my dream of selling desserts at home. My methods are limited since I don't have an oven and I don't have a lot of money to spend on experimenting with ingredients. The recipes that I practice are limited to my refrigerator and the stove top. There aren't many desserts that I can do over the stove and the fridge though, so I'm stuck trying to bake food that I'm not particularly good at.
However, with each failure I'm met with self disappointment and despair. Each failure means that basically threw money down the drain and that I have to throw money down the drain again because I had to buy another set of ingredients to do another experiment. Money that I'm slowly running out of.
At first, my boyfriend was really supportive. He gave me ideas, cheered me on, and even told me he would start a page to advertise my products. But gradually, he stopped caring. Whenever I'd tell him that I was trying a recipe and would send him pictures, he would only say "wow" and change the subject or leave it at "wow".
It's bad enough that I'm thrown into a dark place after each failure and now my boyfriend hardly gives a fuck. The worst part is that I don't have anyone else to talk about since I'm out of friends. That's why I write here. To pretend that I'm talking to someone instead of drowning in my own thoughts. I still wish I'd die, but I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. Living sucks. I hope I die soon.