Scream Above the Sounds
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2020-08-26 11:00:30 (UTC)

Bad Dreams

The last three nights I find myself waking up in a pool of sweat, often around 4am. It's been consistent and it's a very foreboding feeling every time my head hits the pillow now. The dreams are filled with all kinds of elements: death, murder, sex, fear. All of these dreams have involved killers and oddly, several girls that I am sexually attracted to. The dreams take place in all different locations and always tend to result in some sort of crime scene. I had been watching some documentaries on Netflix prior to these dreams and recently started watching Hannibal again. It just seems very odd, and the dreams feel so real. I really spooked myself this morning. I woke up at 4am and I just felt very uncomfortable, scared I guess is the word; It was almost paralysing. I needed to go downstairs but I was apprehensive and I think I was in such a sleepy state, I thought maybe somebody could be down there, somebody dangerous. I think my mind was just playing tricks on me, and the darkness is never a good friend. You see shadows and objects suddenly appear different in your head. I can't really describe it, it was weird. Even going into the bathroom and turning the light on, I still didn't feel safe.

I don't know where the fear stems from or what I fear will happen to me. I mean, I potentially get murdered? Judging from the pattern and the way these dreams so often play out. I have had worse dreams than these though. I was on anti-depressants back in 2018 when I broke up with my ex and they left me in a pretty bad way. I was having extremely vivid dreams, and one still sticks in my mind of my ex girlfriend slitting my throat. It felt raw. Like I woke up and touched my throat because I was so sure it was happening. I came off anti-depressants straight after that. This doesn't feel like that though, this just feels like moving pictures in my head and then I wake up in an odd sense of shock and confusion. Going back to sleep was fine afterwards. I don't know. I just don't sleep well lately I guess.