Emily

Day In the Life of an American Teen
2020-08-24 19:02:26 (UTC)

Okay Then

Landon is already a little mini me. He wrote a note about how much Mom screams and how Nick is so lazy and then crumbled it up behind his bed. Nathan found it and snitched. He never knows how to keep his mouth shut. So then Mom read it and then gave it to Nick like it's some little rumor at fucking school? Then Nick got mad. "I'm not fucking lazy I do everything in this house." And then started giving his 10 year old the silent treatment.

"Don't talk to me unless you're ready to apologize."

It's his fucking feelings fuck off. I gave him so diary I never used so that he could have a place to write things down. If he's lucky maybe they won't go through it. How toxic.

Benaiah at work said, "If you ever need some dick let me know."

"I though you had a girlfriend." Is what I said.

He said they broke up and that he always wanted to fuck me. okay. At least someone finds me attractive enough to fuck me 'just cause.' I told him I was on my period, which wasn't a lie.

I almost killed myself Saturday. Like If there was a easy simply way to have done it I would've done it. Then I started my period so that explained that.

My mom is always ranting about how my cousins across the street just get to do whatever they want. I just sort of shrug because I wish I could have an inch of freedom. Then she got mad because I think it's okay. She said, 'I can't wait for you to have kids and understand."

Yeah I don't wanna fucking have kids. I'll just ruin them like you ruined us. I can save a couple of humans from that absolute bullshit. So then we're arguing.

"You think it's cool to just sleep with whoever so whatever."

I didn't mean to sleep with whoever. I didn't really wanna fuck Sam and I thought Odin was different. She really rubs it in. "I thought Odin was different huh? I thought he was gonna come to your party."

Right. Thanks. I don't think it's 'cool' but obviously that's all I'm good for so why try to be anything else. She says I have such low morals and no respect for myself. I don't give a fuck about my morals. Just shut up and leave me alone. If I'm not dead then I'm fine.

No wonder I have no respect for myself. Nothing I ever do is good enough for her or anybody else. I breathed the wrong or said something with an 'attitude.' Like the other day I bought my brothers food from my work and she came in and set it on the counter. I took a shower and I came out and it was still sitting there. I asked, "Are you gonna feed them before it gets cold?" I didn't think I was having an attitude but she blew up. I was just trying to make sure they ate.

Even when she brings me something to eat I always ask her if she got enough to eat and she gets mad at me because I know she always lets everybody else get taken of first. I was just trying to be caring but fuck it because I don't care anymore. She has this huge blood clot in her leg. Like so big it just looks like a giant red bruise. I've been telling her to go to the doctors since i was like nine.

"I don't have enough money. i don't have enough time."

So then I stop telling her when I'm sick or when I need anything so maybe she'll take care of herself but she never does. Nothing I ever do is good enough. I'm not good enough. That's just it. Plain and simple. I could try harder but I just give up. I'm over it. I hope she dies. My life would be so much easier if she was dead. I'm sure I'd miss her but then I'd have an explanation for my un-explainable sadness and I wouldn't fucking have to deal with her. I hope she dies.

I'm not good enough. Why should I try to be anything more than just the girl who sleeps around?




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