Today my sister invited me to go out with her and her friends, three couples and they're all previous friends of my ex. I did not want to go out and be surrounded by couples. I am not ready to do something like that. I don't even want to go out. I decided to stay home and just be by myself. In the past I would have been the third wheel and turn to alcohol and partying. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to heal properly this time. I don't want to make excuses about how I feel or pretend to be okay when I'm not. I know this relationship meant nothing to my ex and as much as he has tried to make it look that way, the way he's acting right now shows me that all of it is some bullshit. That's okay though. I can't expect him to feel the way I do or heal the way I need to. Yes, it hurts being alone because of the reasons but it hurt more being with someone who didn't see my worth. I know how it feels and I know how it plays out. That's why I left. At the beginning of any relationship we tend to ignore red flags because we're so focused on the good qualities of the other person. Not all of us but I am in that group. I don't want to feel insecure or unsure about someone. For now being alone feels better than being with someone and feeling miserable.