Subtropical Lady

Where Pelicans Fly
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2020-08-31 00:19:55 (UTC)

August 2020 (3)

8/22/2020 Saturday 4:27 a.m.

We could get our DNA results as early as today since they're now being computed, but we're hoping Monday by the latest.

Today's Nane’s birthday. She would now be 60 years old. And she's never going to be allowed back into my life either, not that she would ever want to be. Still, it makes me proud of myself to be able to say that and mean it. :-) Same goes for Maliheh, Andy, Paula, the termites, and anyone else who either dumped me or that I dumped.

Went on a half-hour walk yesterday afternoon which was about 2,600 steps. Still not quite making 10K, but I think the half-hour of activity 5 days a week is more important. Besides, more is not better. I just read a health article that talks about studies proving that more is actually bad for you just like underexercising can be.

Had some hip pain and I thought I would be in for a ton of it today but I'm fine so far. I'll probably go on another walk in a couple of hours. Walking in a gated community in a dry climate is the ONLY thing I'm going to miss other than a few of my neighbors and doctors, so I'm going to make the most of it and take every opportunity I get to get out there.

Nail foil is not the way to go. At least not for me, it isn't. It might be better to decorate things with but not my nails. It looks too much like chipped nail polish. It's virtually impossible to get an entire full-nail transfer. I wanted to foil the ugly olive strips that were included in this weekend’s set which also has black and white marble strips. I like black marble a lot, but don't care for white marble much. It looks like white polish with a few faint gray smudges as if something brushed against it.

Nail polish is going to be my best bet for altering the less appealing colors. I did a test to see if I could polish them while still on the wax paper they come on, figuring it would be easier to get even coverage that way and a great way to avoid getting any polish in my cuticles, but I found that after I let it dry and I lifted the strip, it also pulled up the nail polish that spilled over the edges and that wouldn't be something I could trim off easily. Better to just polish the strips after they've been applied to my nails. I’m mostly steady-handed so if I take my time, I can get most of it where I want it to be.

I had some spares, so I tore off the three strips I foiled and replaced them with a couple of dark red glitter strips and a rainbow strip. The glitter is harder to see in the darker colors, I've noticed. I was going to throw some polish over the three olive strips on my right hand but decided I would wait until my holographic topcoat arrives. I think that's due tomorrow. Today I get my cuticle oil and hair dye. Monday comes the new mattress pad and Tuesday comes the new mouthguards.

9 AM

ANCESTRY

Neanderthal Ancestry 225 Variants
Ashkenazi Jewish 99.0% Ashkenazi Jewish

HEALTH PREDISPOSITION

Hereditary Hemochromatosis (HFE Related)
Variant detected, not likely at increased risk

Hereditary Thrombophilia
Slightly increased risk

Late-Onset Alzheimer's Disease
Slightly increased risk

Type 2 Diabetes
Typical likelihood

WELLNESS

Alcohol Flush Reaction
Unlikely to flush
Oh, but I do feel a warm flush, mostly in my face, when I drink.

Caffeine Consumption
Likely to consume less
(If one cup a day is "less")

Deep Sleep
Less likely to be a deep sleeper

Genetic Weight
Predisposed to weigh less than average
(Yup)

Lactose Intolerance
Likely intolerant
(Somewhat)

Muscle Composition
Common in elite power athletes
(Definitely have been naturally muscular most of my life)

Saturated Fat and Weight
Likely similar weight
(Not sure what this means)

Sleep Movement
Likely more than average movement

TRAITS

Ability to Match Musical Pitch
About a 50/50 chance of being able to match a musical pitch
(I'm actually pretty good at this. Can't put a number on it but it's higher than 50.)

Asparagus Odor Detection
Likely can smell

Bitter Taste
Likely can't taste

Bunions
More likely than average to have had a bunion
(Never had one)

Cheek Dimples
Likely no dimples

Cilantro Taste Aversion
Slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro

Cleft Chin
Likely no cleft chin

Dandruff
Less likely to get dandruff

Earlobe Type
Likely detached earlobes

Earwax Type
Likely wet earwax
(Ew!)

Eye Color
Likely brown or hazel eyes
(Wrong. Started off hazel, went green in my early 20s)

Fear of Heights
More likely than average to be afraid of heights
(Not unless they're open heights)

Fear of Public Speaking
Less likely to have a fear of public speaking

Finger Length Ratio
Likely ring finger longer

Flat Feet
Less likely than average to have flat feet

Freckles
Likely a lot of freckles
(Nope)

Hair Photobleaching
More likely to experience hair photobleaching
(Yes! My hair got much lighter upon moving to Arizona)

Hair Texture
Likely straight or wavy
(Nope. Curly)

Hair Thickness
Less likely to have thick hair
(Had very thick hair when I was younger)

Ice Cream Flavor Preference
More likely to prefer chocolate over vanilla ice cream

Light or Dark Hair
Likely dark

Misophonia
Average odds of hating chewing sounds
(OMG, I HATE the sound of chewing!)

Mosquito Bite Frequency
Likely bitten more often than others

Motion Sickness
More likely to experience motion sickness
(I don’t)

Newborn Hair
Likely lots of baby hair
(Yup)

Photic Sneeze Reflex
Likely no photic sneeze reflex

Red Hair
Likely no red hair
(I have 1%, hubs has 6%)

Skin Pigmentation
Likely lighter skin

Stretch Marks
About a 50/50 chance of having stretch marks

Sweet vs. Salty
Likely prefers sweet

Toe Length Ratio
Likely big toe longer

Unibrow
Likely no unibrow

Wake-Up Time
Likely to wake up around 7:34 am
(LMAO! Tell that to another circadian rhythm disorder person like me.)

Widow's Peak
Likely no widow's peak
(Had one when I was younger)

8/23/2020 Sunday 3:45 a.m.

In getting my report from 23andMe yesterday, there was definitely a lot of surprise, a little disappointment, and a whole lot of funny.

I had asked Norma a while back if I could be Ashkenazi (my GYN said they have an increased risk of breast cancer) and she said she didn't think so since I didn't have dark eyes and because I'm pale-skinned. it was soon determined, or so I thought, that I was probably Litvak. So when I read that I was 99% Ashkenazi, I was like wow! Norma was surprised as well when I shared the news with her.

Where there was a slight bit of disappointment was that when I first glanced at the ancestry composition, I expected a long list of percentage breakdowns of all the different countries I supposedly originated from, as I've seen in sample reports. Yet there was virtually nothing there that was kind of boring, LOL. Okay, I'm 99.3% “broadly” European. I'm broadly 0.2% East Asian & Native American, broadly 0.2% Western Asian & North African, and then there's 0.3% that's unassigned. I guess unassigned means that they don't yet have enough data collected to get any real definitive information and some areas, even though they tell me I have shared DNA with 1365 customers and 75 of them are “close” relatives. That's why, the more people that submit samples, the percentages of our origins can change over time. So I'll have to look for updates periodically.

The fact that the mitochondrial Eve, the mother of all humans, lived in Eastern Africa over 150K years ago makes me wonder if that explains the 0.2% African in me even though it says “North” African.

The Jews started out in East Asia which could also explain the tiny speck of Asian in me, and they eventually settled in Central and Eastern Europe, later migrating to America and other places in hopes of gaining acceptance in escaping persecution. So instead of showing me a list of countries, they just showed me a region which is what I expected it to be. It told me 100% of my relatives are Ashkenazi and 77% of them were less likely to live near a farm when they were young.

Just like not all blacks are quite the same since some can be American, Haitian, Jamaican, African, etc., we come in a variety as well with Mizrahi, Sephardic, Ethiopian, Hasidic, and the most common which is Ashkenazi. Thanks to Shitler, though, I am a very unique breed with only 10 to 12 million of us left on Earth and about 5 million in the US. I always did say no one had it as bad as the Jews (and gays) for a reason.

Jews were the least diverse in that they were very strict about marrying other Jews but that was mostly because they were forbidden to do so like blacks and white were once forbidden to marry. Over the years there has been more inbreeding. Tom and I are an example of a mixed marriage, so I'm learning.

Yeah, this is the funny part. We used to “argue” in a funny way about being a bi-racial couple. He always insisted that's what we were, and I was like, “Naw, Jewish is a religion, not a race. I'm white, you're white…”

But I guess it really is both, LOL. We get a kick out of the name Ashkenazi too because it sounds so Indian. As silly as it may sound, I felt a surge of pride to be this unique Ashkenazi despite not doing anything to earn it, and the fact that I don’t have an exciting mix of things in my heritage.

Also funny was how Tom joked about me being the purebred while he was the mutt, LOL. It's true, too. His composition looked more typical with him being 99.6% European, 36.9% French & German, 26.7% Scandinavian, 22.7% British & Irish, and 0.6% Finnish. He also had something like 1% unassigned.

This entry is getting a bit long so I will save additional info I've learned for another time.

8/24/2020 Monday 6:09 a.m.

It's sad that despite the Jews going through the worst shit ever being slaughtered by the millions, most have ended up doing quite well while blacks chose poverty and the thug life.

I only partially agree with this. No one chooses poverty. We certainly didn't choose it when the economy went to hell. I believe that sometimes people really do get caught up in circumstances beyond their control. However, I do agree that criminality is a choice. No one has to be a criminal whether they have money or not. Joining gangs, rioting, stealing, drugging, killing... that's all a choice and that's why it's hard to feel sorry for some people.

Woke up with a bit of a sore throat. Hopefully, it doesn't mean anything and will go away soon enough. Also woke up to a T-storm. It didn't wake me up. I heard it after I got up and turned the sound machine off. It's very mild. So much so that I can smell smoke, so I'm not going out walking this morning. It's good to give my hip a break every now and then anyway.

It's funny because yesterday and the day before, even though I took the same route, Fitbit thought I climbed 2 floors yesterday and 3 the day before. There are only two sections that are uphill, one of them being a bit steep.

To finish up with the 23andMe results, the only thing it told Tom he was at risk of getting was celiac disease. It told me I had a variant for hereditary hemochromatosis but that it was unlikely I had an increased risk. I did have a slightly increased risk of late-onset Alzheimer's disease and hereditary thrombophilia. We both have a typical likelihood of type 2 diabetes.

I was surprised it didn't pick up on my thyroid and other things, but I guess not everything has a genetic component. Plus, there can be other variants not detected or that they don't test for with some diseases.

Most surprising was that I don't have any carrier traits. One of the many reasons I decided not to have a kid was that while I knew it was unlikely to also have atresia, I was afraid it would have so many health problems because many run in my family. That's what my parents led me to believe too, but then I was at that age where many parents were beginning to say just about anything to deter their daughters from not focusing on careers instead.

Tom and I are not related in any way. So no incest going on here, LOL. He has more Neanderthal variants than 74% of 23andMe customers and I have more than 28%.

They got most things right but not all of them. I've never had a bunion, for example, and I don't get motion sickness. But I definitely prefer sweet to salty, chocolate to vanilla, my big toe really is longer, I don't have a unibrow, I don't have flat feet, I wouldn't fear public speaking, and I don't have dandruff.

It’s so cool how I can now use Google Maps to measure distance. I always thought that the wall of the dumpy old tilted house we rented in Oregon was 40 or 50 feet away from the rental to the left that was full of young party animals before we left in 2007, but nope. It was 64 feet away.

Virginia has been spending the days elsewhere, which is probably best for her. I saw Nancy's car there later in the day yesterday and Tom said he saw one of them bringing in a bag of stuff. I just hope she keeps the house for eight or nine more months!

For a few seconds, I thought I heard that fucking saw a couple of days ago. Definitely heard a saw, but it almost didn't seem loud enough to be Dahl. I still can't believe how common that shit is here of all places.

Got my wonderfully smelling cuticle oil yesterday. It smells of milk and honey. I also got the nightguards and now I'm pissed we spent hundreds to have my old dentist make me one when I can use these much cheaper disposables. Two of them came in a pack that is small enough for me and I'm sure I can use them for months before I need to get new ones.

8/25/2020 Tuesday 9:12 a.m.

The new mattress pad is nice, but I found it too thick to cut up into liners for the pigs so the old one will just get thrown out.

I feel pretty well-rested for one who woke up twice to pee, once with horrible shoulder pain after lying on it wrong, TMJ pain because my mouthguard was too big, and then a funny-ish nightmare about kissing Suki and my lips getting stuck to hers. I woke up just as I was beginning to panic but managed to pry a corner of my mouth from hers.

I re-boiled the mouthguard and resized it to my lower teeth. Still comes up easily, though, since it’s not molded exactly to my teeth and is a bit wide for me since I’m small. Ordered some kids’ mouthguards, though I’m sure I can use these for a while.

While he grabbed something to hopefully help his tendonitis, I also grabbed a $10 pack of a dozen nail strips all with colors I like. Wearing one a week, I’ve now got a year’s supply unless Aly wants some more. I suggested the cuticle oil to her that I’ve been using. In just a few days I swear I have new growth, based on the position of my nail stickers. I use it after my shower and again before bed.

Had a feeling come over me saying that our forever house is going to be a 2006 but that makes no sense being magnets for older stuff and only having so much money. I’m sure it will be the 70s or 80s. That's still a step up from the 40s-60s places we usually end up in.

Sometimes I don't know who's worse, our nation's thugs (notice they’re never totally innocent) or the pigs that think their job is to play judge, jury, and executioner when in fact their job is simply to arrest suspects. It's up to the courts to decide if they're guilty or not. SMH, at least the ped isn't going to be assaulting anyone else sexually in the future or beating up on his family.

I wish they wouldn't put so much shit in the news. It only sparks riots and other problems, and well, is it really my business what goes on between a thug and a pig in Wisconsin? They should at least delay things for a year or so, not to mention the fact that some of us are sick of hearing about the same damn subjects day in and day out.

The other day I was thinking about how a part of me misses emotions. I mean real emotions. Not that I would want to be as emotional as I used to be but age, experience, maturity and EMDR have definitely dulled them for the most part. I've come to see, though, just how much my dying hormones affected my emotions which in many ways affected my creativity. I don't want to be as angry as I used to be. I don't want to have any reason to feel stressed and depressed to the degree that I used to. But sometimes I miss having fun crushes on whoever wherever for they often acted as great muses for stories.

And then one of my old muses was there in my dreams...Nane. I still wouldn't want her back in my life but that doesn't mean she can't be in some of my stories. Like this funny one that was based on the idea for Far from Home where she let me stay in her apartment for the sake of Christiane who died after I’d been staying with her but does all kinds of things to mess with me while I always remain one step ahead of her, in a sense. So I'm working on a story idea but not the one I had for NaNo. It's called My Little Slave.

The funny part of the dream was that Nane wouldn't let me come and go from the apartment while she was working because she didn't want me to have a key to the place, so she told me it was either in or out. Not wanting to walk around aimlessly in a foreign country that gets cold and snowy, I opted to stay in. Nane ordered me to stay at the kitchen table unless I had to use the bathroom while she was gone (I at least had my own laptop I could use), insisting there were cameras all over the apartment and would make me a casserole of whatever kind the night before which would serve as my food for the following day. LOL, so I'm going to add to and expand on that idea.

2pm

Last night, the very mean, ugly and butchy Mary D popped into mind unbidden. The one who trashed my apartment and attacked me in the late 80s when coming to pick up a record I’d borrowed for prank calling her at the house she lived in with her twin sister and BIL.

Oh, I remember it quite clearly. She came in without a word and stepped into the living room where I handed her the album. Then she picked up one of mine and smashed it on the entertainment center I had at the time. At first I don't think I said anything because I was stunned. Next thing I know she was toppling over that, the organ I had, and then she was throwing punches at me. I began throwing them back as hard and as fast as I could but it didn't do me any good at all. Then she ripped the phone out of the wall, knock me down on my back, straddle me, and proceeded to beat me in the face with the phone all the while screaming, “Call me, Jodi! Call me!”

I tried to tell her I loved her to get her off of me but she only screamed, “No! You never loved me!”

Damn right I didn’t!

But why didn’t I call the cops on her? I guess because I was never one to run to the pigs with my problems with others and had lost faith in the system. Besides, I never knew where she lived. I didn’t know at the time that a name and a number would have been enough for the cops since it was their job to track her down, but I doubt they would have put much effort into it.

Fortunately, I only had some bumps and bruises but nothing that required me to go to the hospital. I vaguely remember her calling to gloat about the attack saying, “I thought you were tough” or something like that and that she had “no intention of beating the shit out of me.”

My guess is she fought me her hardest but if she didn't, thank God for that much because she ended up being a lot stronger than I would have guessed. I should have recognized the signs too. They were there. But young naive little me didn’t catch on when she spoke about her and others wanting to beat up some girl one time and then speeding dangerously in the car another time when I said something that pissed her off. She admitted that one was immature of her when I told her it was.

Thank God even more that I was never attracted to her. I can just imagine the hell I would have gone through being in a relationship with her.

Although she later told me she felt bad for attacking me, and while I know it was wrong of me to prank her, she's part of what made me a very defensive and angry person. Apology or not, I would absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE a rematch with her. I'm just about a hundred percent certain the outcome would be very different a second time around. Just a feeling.

But would anything up there send anyone after me it knew I could take? Of course not!

Anyway, I wasn’t the writer or the person I am now, so I know I didn’t mention it much way back when. It was November of 1988, I just found, and I only wrote one quick paragraph in regard to it.

Didn’t know much about her but I swear she said something about her and another girl being raped by some guy and that the other girl “didn’t make it.”

Maybe that was why she was so angry and violent.

Realizing that the world has gotten so damn noisy no matter what (yeah, the cock is sawing again), I think we may as well forget rural. What would be the point if we’re still going to hear shit? We may actually hear more than just saws and loud vehicles when you add in the kids, dogs and boom stereos. Unless we get a piece of land so big that we can't afford it or it's in a shitty climate, we can never get far enough away not to hear people. So we may as well stay in a park and head for the coast so we can at least visit the beaches. The Venice area on the Gulf side may be ideal. I’m just tired of running from what I can’t escape. Still want to get as far away from the street as possible, though. Listening to shit while I'm awake is one thing. Being woken up by it is another.

And if there’s one thing I hate about Tom is that he never wants me to complain to anyone about anything. I do understand his paranoia to a degree, really, I do. But what are we supposed to do? Take shit all our lives and never say anything?

I can’t complain to the park about anything because A, he would rather give in to their every demand as if we're children even though they work for us and we're the ones paying them, and B, because the fuckers will only counter complain.

8/26/2020 Wednesday 12:43 p.m.

Wow! Got my first sleep score of 90! Been more awake more often too. But once I get back onto nights…

Sheila, my new Holly, cleaned my teeth and did an amazingly wonderful job. I love how my teeth look and feel! It turns out that the stains I had along the bottom teeth weren't so much from being late on my cleaning but because of the wine I drink. She said red wine is a major stainer. So I guess I'll be switching to white wine, like Moscato, and only have Merlot once in a while. I ran and brushed my teeth as soon as I had my last one.

She scaled the teeth by hand, polished them, flossed them with this sandpaper-like thing, and then she used their supersonic scaler that was both cold and hot at the same time. She warned me it would be loud but it wasn't. It made a squeaking sound that sort of reminded me of mice, but that was it. It was the cold and warmth I noticed most. The supersonic vibrations probably create heat that needs to be cooled.

She said everything else looked great and that I didn't have much tartar buildup and was doing great with the home care. I didn't even see the dentist. I saw her and Dana working on another patient but other than when I paid Vicky $90 with our credit card, I didn't see anyone else and I won't be returning until March.

Just checked my schedule predictor and it actually doesn't look good for either my dental or ear appointment. :-( Might have to reschedule.

No fucking wonder the planes are so annoying here! For some reason I thought the airport was between 40 and 50 miles away but then Tom laughed and said, “It’s not that far. We've driven to and from there before.”

He pulled up a map to show me and it's actually 21 miles by car and 14 miles if you draw a straight line from the airport to here. So no wonder they're obnoxious. Another week and they'll be really bad again. So from now on, we'll definitely make sure the airport is at least 50 miles away from wherever we live. It won't matter if we're in a flight path if they’re 20K feet above us as opposed to 2K.

I'm so confused as to where to go! There's a part of me that thinks it would be pointless to bother with rural since the world is so noisy no matter where you go, and why add other sounds you won't have in a retirement community? But then I don't want mowers coming up to the window every week like they would in a Florida park and I would still like to get people and their shit far enough away from me that I only need to sleep with just a fan or an air cleaner or maybe Alexa playing some nature sound and that's it. I don't want to have to continue blasting white noise via an off-dialed radio station on my old stereo. I'm sorry but right or wrong, no one should have to live like that. Or with the sound of loud power tools nearly every fucking week.

But adult communities simply aren't what they were 30 years ago and they're never going to be again. In fact, by the time I'm old I'm sure the car stereos will have caught up to these places right along with the power tools. If we can just get off the busy street and further from airports, big and small, it's got to be quieter. As far as the circular saws that are everywhere these days, maybe we can get lucky enough to get a neighbor that uses that shit once a month instead of once a week. Yeah, maybe.

Meanwhile, while we still think we’ll probably start off in a Florida park and then look for land there, we’re going to keep all our options open. If we find the ideal piece of land in the ideal location in some other state, we might take it as long as it doesn't get too cold or snow there. It would take a hell of a place to get me to go where it snows. It’s hard, though, trying to find a place in a decent climate that's not too far from a hospital if God forbid we ever needed to go, and that's at least 70% white.

As a backup for if Florida messes with my asthma, allergies or sleep, we're looking at Northeastern Texas and the desert areas of California which is the only affordable area that isn’t so expensive in this state.

8/27/2020 Thursday 11:05 a.m.

It's fun being the noisy ones around here for once. Yes, Tom is doing the loudest thing he's done so far in prepping for curb appeal and that's to drill holes in the concrete with a special drill bit for installing the posts that are going to hold the new lattice fence. Unfortunately, though, I doubt our little saw fanatic can hear much of it if any at all because he's working on the other side of the house.

I saw Virginia yesterday. She called out something to the guy delivering our groceries from Walmart (got an excellent selection of pork chops, ribs, chicken, fish, avocados, grapes, and blueberries to enjoy and am definitely stocked up for a while). Anyway, she didn't appear to be using a walker or a cane or anything to assist her, so that's good. A few minutes later Nancy pulled up.

They stopped working on the house. The new one that was hauled in. That's a long time to set up a new house! I wonder if there's a problem with inspections.

I don't know if the cock across the street was sawing yesterday or as of yet today. I cranked up the sound machines throughout the house (ridiculous thing to have to do anywhere to get any peace but especially here) but I did hear the usual buzz of landscaping equipment of course. That's going to get worse right along with the planes when the leaves start coming down. Believe it or not, a few trees are already dropping leaves. Seems a bit early for that, though.

I just hate feeling pressured into having to sit back and take people's annoying shit. I know Tom. He would always come up with a reason why we shouldn't say anything. If it wasn't because he’s making a racket and doesn't want to seem hypocritical, it would be something else. Remember, before it was because he didn't want prospective buyers questioning him about the place. There's always something. Again, I understand his fears but what about me? Don't I deserve not to have to listen to such loud shit so often? Why is it that others matter more, in a sense? Why is it more important that they be allowed to be annoying at my expense while I should have to sit back and take it because of what may happen if I speak up?

Received an email from my optometrist saying she was closing her business and didn't have any plans to practice elsewhere. I'm guessing the virus has something to do with it but what is it with all these damn doctors moving around or leaving the area altogether? I hope this isn't as common in Florida. It would be great to find doctors about 20 years younger than me that could take care of me for the rest of my life.

My next eye exam isn't until October. He's not going to bother anymore in this state. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. My eyes seem to change so fast and I'm already noticing that these glasses aren't as helpful, but I have time to decide whether or not to get new ones here or just wait.

It seems the new system is that Rockefeller goes off and Blitz follows. LOL, I can't figure out what these pigs want at times. It's like where dogs often like to bark and babies often like to cry just for shits and giggles, they just like to scream.

I can't stop staring at my nails. They look so cool. Dull color by itself (black to dark green gradient) but still looks good on me at the same time. Dark or neon looks best on my nails. My mother would puke if she could see them. I almost hope she can look down on me from the other side if there is one. Think of all the frustration she must be feeling not being able to critique, control and ridicule me, haha.

They were getting long so I cut them back. These are the stickers that are thicker and therefore harder to file the ends off of, so I just cut everything off. I don't see how people tolerate really long nails. Yes, I voice type more than I type by hand, but I still do some things by hand. Can't get these nails very short, though, with the long nail beds I have. The old-fashioned keyboards were easier to type on because my nails would just slip down between the keys. Not with an Apple keyboard, though.

I began logging my food on Fitbit after all because it's interesting to see how much I burn versus how much I take in. I've gone from 157.8 to 155.2, so one more pound and it will stop. Probably even reset itself too. I know my body. I could diet and exercise until I was blue in the face, but no more than a few pounds will come off. But at least I can still get those few pounds off when I want to.

So Aly thinks she's going to move back in with Cam and that they'll be together forever. I hope she's right for her sake! I'm not sure what to think. The fact that she had to move out once isn't usually a good sign. What's to say it wouldn't happen again since what usually happens once has a way of repeating itself as the drama queen taught me?

Had a series of weird dreams and got a sleep score of 87 last time around. I discovered Molly blocked me on Twitter and this told me that I was still on her mind at times and she was likely looking in on me.

Then I had a dream where it was late at night, yet the sun was shining as if I might have been in Alaska. I was taking care of the animals when I realize one of them had a defective water bottle. Then I went outside and started walking down the street in just a bra and panties heading to wherever. Then I decided to go back and replace the bottle because I knew that if I put it off, I would forget to do it later. So I turned around and started running down the street when I realized the sun was really hot and I felt like I was burning. I was on a deserted road that didn't seem to have anything but fields on one side of it with a few scattered side streets.

A car was coming toward me and it scared me because there was no one else around and I was at their mercy if they turned out to be trouble. I thought of how my life was going well, how I’d like to live longer, and how it would be a shame to die then. I felt like I was running in slow motion even though I was going as fast as I could. But I just couldn't run fast enough, so I began pawing at the ground as if trying to run on all fours in hopes of it helping me move faster so I could get out of view before the car caught up to me. But the person turned off onto a side street before they could pass me. The sun seared my skin even more and I thought to myself, I'm frying! So now I was worried I wouldn't get back home before I melted and passed out from the heat.

I can't swear on this one, but I think I had a dream that I was visiting Chris and a friend of his was telling him that I had a decent body for an American woman, LOL.

The last dream was the shittiest. It started off with me constantly getting calls from numbers I didn't recognize that would never leave messages.

Then Tom and I drove somewhere that I might have been required to go and at first we weren't sure what the building was. But then either my phone lit up with the word “court” or I found a piece of paper with the word on it and knew right away that the termites or behind it.

Suddenly I realized I was naked and told him I wasn't even dressed so we had to go back home. Once there, even though I figured he would want to do the “right” thing, so to speak, that was when I put my foot down and refused to go back to the courthouse or wherever we had just been. I hadn't done anything wrong, didn't trust the courts to believe me, and wasn't going to let myself get railroaded all over again. I did it once 20 years ago and I wasn't about to do it again.

Just saw the little saw cock drive out. He’s driving the navy 4x4 these days. Probably going to pick up more lumber to saw.

Tom’s own circular saw, which he just used, is comparable in volume inside this place to Dahl’s, so that goes to show how much louder Dahl’s is at 90’ away vs. right outside the door where Tom is.

8/28/2020 Friday 1:42 p.m.

Whenever I post a story on Facebook, I always get views from someone not connected to me. Kim is out of commission and Aly said she doesn't check my profile, so curious little me wonders who it could be. Doubt it's Christiane.

My new nail strips are absolutely gorgeous even if I'll have to trim some to fit. They even gave me an extra set! Going to wait a while before I do my nails again, though, since I just did them a couple of days ago.

The Northern Lights colorful glitter topcoat that seemed to be lost in the mail and that I got a refund on, arrived yesterday after all. It's good for any nail strips that need a little extra shine or reinforcement.

We also got some new mouthguards and this time I did a much better job of molding them to my teeth. My first try was kind of a bust because it was too loose and would often lift up. I was worried that even if it was unlikely, I might choke on it in my sleep. I probably just didn't heat it up enough but hey, it was my first one. With this one, I have a much more snugger fit.

Because Tom’s HR is naturally low, he can't get in the cardio zone easily, LOL, where I practically live in the fat-burning zone. That's just Mr. Bradycardia versus Miss Tachycardia for you.

We went to Rite Aid yesterday and as we were close to the parking lot but unable to see it yet, I told Tom I suddenly had a feeling it was going to be more crowded than usual and it was.

I wonder if something's wrong with Dixie's computer again because she hasn't answered the email I sent a couple of days ago. it's strange that she hasn't even called either, though I'm not too worried since Tom recently saw her.

Slept forever last night with a sleep score of 86. At least I got up before the garbage and recycle trucks got a chance to wake me up.

Not that I doubt my buddy that says she was offended by anti-black memes on Facebook but where the hell are all these racists she's encountering? I swear it's been just the opposite for me. Sure, I've known some that hated blacks, but it's been such a tiny percent compared to those that hate Jews and gays. I've never seen an anti-black comment or meme on Facebook other than a few complaints about them being able to get away with more than whites can these days, and I can guarantee you that if any of my Facebook friends or anyone on PB went anti-black, others would crucify them for it. The vast majority of the places I've been both on and offline seem to be very accepting and supportive of everyone except for some Jews, some Muslims, and many gays and lesbians. Just look at all the non-black supporters at the protests, both violent and not.

8/29/2020 Saturday 10:41 p.m.

I'm so fucking pissed! My new nail strips look absolutely nothing like they do on the sheets once they're on my nails because they're transparent. Now that I see this, I do remember someone complained about that in the reviews. I could still use them to cover boring ones, I suppose.

Also got some “retractions” to make. Aly was talking about a group text, not Facebook. I beat the recyclers but the trashers actually came before I got up, though I managed to sleep through them somehow. Also, my root canal didn’t last just 40 minutes, even though it seemed that way, thanks to Halcion. Tom said I was in for over an hour and a half.

I kind of let Pelosi have it on Twitter for trying to sabotage the election. At least it really seems like she doesn't want Biden to win. I don't know if she has a personal vendetta against him or what but if she keeps fighting the Republicans on the stimulus thing and doesn't come to some agreement like now, the Dems are going to lose the election. For someone who’s said to be highly intelligent, she's acting dumb as fuck. The people are going to remember that the Republicans tried to get us money while the Dems did nothing but argue and block them and that's going to cause Trump to get reelected.

Fortunately, who gets elected doesn't really affect us directly that much other than maybe with health insurance since there's no way Trump would lower the age of Medicare. I just wish the rich could understand that no, not everyone can pay all their medical bills out of pocket just because they can.

It's all I can do to keep from running across the street and blasting the shit out of that fucking cock. I got up around 1 and figured it would be too hot and too late in the day for the sawing since the bastard seems to prefer mornings, but I got a few seconds of it when I was in the kitchen. It sounds exactly like Tom’s saw when he's using it right outside the door, that's how fucking loud it is. If the cock across the street used that thing right outside the door, it would be ferociously loud in here. It's still frequent and loud enough. I heard the fucking thing a couple more times when I was outside checking out the new fence and this was at an angle that our place was between us and the saw. The sound wraps around the place, but the other side where the kitchen and master bedroom and bathroom windows are gets hit worse.

The new fence looks great. A little more see-through and a little higher but better than the old rotted wooden fence. Being higher will make it easier to blow leaves under it and the lattice design will make it less susceptible to wind damage.

I'm just so sick of listening to people and for the millionth time I'm asking myself, where oh where can I go to escape people’s shit? Really, where can we go to get away from it? And vehicles so loud I can feel the vibration of them rumbling under my feet.

Tom is really frustrating because the more I complain, the more he doesn't like it, and he never wants to do shit about anything. All he cares about is how others may react and not how I feel. I'm surprised he even bothered to fight for his Unemployment, that's how paranoid he is when it comes to complaining. Yet he absolutely does not want to complain about any neighbor under any circumstance. I keep wishing someone else would take the honors for me, but I know they won't. Maybe they have the same fears he has or maybe they just don't mind the noise even though I would think it would annoy just about anyone. It's usually only few-second bursts, but it's still too loud and too frequent.

I was pissed when it finally hit me after all this time that when Kim asked Aly to shut down some of her Facebook accounts because she didn't want her sister to find them, she could have read our conversation. I don't think I said anything that would have offended Aly, but still...the messages were meant for Kim and not her. Oh, the problems that can come with friend mixing.

Maybe she didn't see them, though. I went back and checked our Skype messages from the end of July (this is why I never delete messages) and she talks about being asked to delete three accounts and says she couldn't get into two of them. She says the one that she could access was under a variation of her last name. I asked Aly about it today, saying I couldn't access some of our old messages and she said that as far as she knew, the account Kim and I were connected on was deactivated. It's just that I can always count on what Aly tells me.

Maybe she isn't as into hacking or spying on me as I thought she was, though. I have two Twitter accounts. The one we're connected on where I use my real first name and then a private one in the name of Aubrey. Well, if she uses paid search sites regularly, I would think the private account would come up. I have a real email address tied to it.

She talks about being quietly observant and that people underestimate her and don't realize the things she hears and knows. I still wonder if she's a silent observer of my private journals but the only place I can think of that she could hack without getting caught or me knowing about it might be PB.

Sometimes I feel like she's holding out on me and not so much pushing me away but keeping me at a distance. I wonder if she considers Molly a better friend but if she does, she does. I know that while she has numerous great qualities, she is not only prone to lying but also drawn to the mentally and emotionally ill.

I'm so excited! I took a break from writing this post and during my break, I finally found a way to do voice tweets. Well, they’re technically video tweets but I just keep the phone face down on the table so all you see is blackness. Either that or aimed at my desktop with its lovely nature and animal wallpaper pictures. I don't want to show anything. I just want to talk and have the option to do tweets with my voice as well as in print.

So, I set up a third Twitter account in the name of Krista. I'm keeping it from Aly, though. I used to hate it when she would block me from her “secret” account so she could have privacy from those she knows yet still be public but now I kind of get that. Sometimes I just want a brand new unbiased audience, so to speak.

Only “Aubrey” is private and that's kept as hidden as possible so I can still view any accounts of Aly's that she blocks the account with my real name to which we’re connected on.

8/30/2020 Sunday 9:12 p.m.

We went for a walk earlier and I opted to take a shortcut back because it was still so warm at close to 90°.

Tom needed flip-flops and found that even though they were $0.99 in person at Walmart, online they were $20, so he got a $10 pair on Amazon. While he was at it, I got another set of nail stickers to try.

Had a dream that I had to do 30 days in jail for who-knows-what. I know I dreamed about the guards and other inmates but can't remember anything other than Tom visiting and me telling him that I was going to write him a letter but then I got busy doing something.

8/31/2020 Monday 8:22 p.m.

Another day of good energy. I've been on a roll with not being tired for over 2 weeks now for the first time in months. I'm not sure why I have spells where I'm exhausted and then I do well. I just know I like having energy.

Enough to go bike riding. It was still a bit warm at 90° just like when we went out walking yesterday around the same time, but fun. Everything was perfect in that no one was parked too close to the speed bumps when we were coming downhill and there were no dog walkers in our way.

His HR made it up to 103 and mine hit 131. I realize that my high HR is “tricking” Fitbit (and my thyroid). As fun as it is to use in general, it's going to tell me I can have more calories than I really can to lose weight. I'm still pretty confident that it would take 1000 calories or less every day for almost a year to lose weight and I'm just not up for that. I wish I was, and I hate to say it, but I don't know that I would be up for that even if I was 100 pounds overweight. I don't need the standard 2000 calories to feel comfortable and function well, but I do need around 1400 on most days. Yesterday I indulged and had 1775. I don't usually go over 1500-1600 but I do splurge once a week or so. I'm up 2 pounds because of it but I’ll push it back off soon enough. I always do. Carbs really do matter as much as calories, so I'm learning, and yesterday I definitely had too much sugar and carbs.

When pulling out some hay to give to the guinea pigs, I ended up getting a sliver at the base of one of my fingers. Fortunately, Tom was able to get it out using a magnifier and good tweezers.

It just hit me that I haven't been hearing the freeway as much lately. It started to become audible and then faded back out. What sucks is that tomorrow morning is September 1st and that means the plane frenzy begins. I'll be asleep when it starts, though, which will be shortly before or after 6. But at least we're one month closer to getting out of here!

I wish I knew why I had so many negative dreams. It's usually the same damn things over and over again. They usually deal with me being in some kind of captivity where I'm trapped somewhere or losing everything.

In one dream, we had to abandon everything, and I mean literally everything. Our house, our car, our devices, medications, everything. We walked off with just the clothes on our back and even left the car running.

Around this time yet in a separate dream, I saw my old Endo. Even though I tried to keep a straight face, she sensed that something was off. She asked if everything was okay and I had to force a smile and say that everything was fine.

I accidentally stumbled upon something in my 2011 journal that further suggests my New York reader is Marie. I don't remember the circumstances. I was looking for something else and didn't read too much about it but it had to do with her contacting me to tell me that even though I told her I didn't want anything to do with her, she'd been reading my journal from a distance and wanted to let me know she had nothing to do with someone that was messing with me at the time which I wrote about in one particular entry. So I guess that unlike most people, she doesn't ignore you if you cut her out of your life. She's just quiet about it. It would explain the lack of comments, but would she really be that active on the site? There's no way to get email notifications when you bookmark someone. She's got to be logged in to get her bookmarks and she's got to spend quite a bit of time on the site too, because there have been several times I've posted something and she’s shown up on my visitors’ list just minutes later.

Even she showed up in my dreams, but I don't remember what the dream was about. It's probably because she was on my mind as I was falling asleep. I both miss her, and I don't. I miss how understanding and open-minded she always was. Her goofy side, her sense of humor, her empathy. But then she was the one that dumped and blocked me when her accusatory and paranoid side came out and I told her I had no idea what she was talking about or trying to say.

It wasn't the first time this strange “other” side, whatever the hell it was, emerged. I don't know if she has an illness she was born with or if the abuse she went through made her the way she is but I’m definitely not so sure that all the psych pills she was diving into were helping. If anything, I suspect that may have been making her worse. Regardless, I do miss her. It would be hard to slam the door in her face if she magically showed up. Instead, even though it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do, I would probably run into her arms. Remember, I did love her, and I guess a part of me always will. Maybe I'll hear from her someday. She's probably gone through a million Facebook accounts by now, so I'm sure the one we blocked each other on is long gone. Maybe it would be okay to communicate while she was “normal,” so to speak, and then pull back and take a break when that other side came out. I know she's bipolar and those are extremely hard to deal with. The intense and frequent mood swings are like OMG! And the way they can get paranoid and accusatory can be downright scary. I'll never forget the way Lisa showed me a side of her that I never knew existed until 2009. But she still meant a lot to me and she always will.

Finally heard from Dixie. Her computer has been broken which was what I suspected.

LOL, not surprisingly, Aly has already received half a dozen letters from Kim, mostly about June, of course. They started off as penpals before they began texting around 2008.


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