Subtropical Lady

Where Pelicans Fly
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2020-08-21 00:19:18 (UTC)

August 2020 (2)

8/12/2020 Wednesday 10:47 p.m.

Last night I felt like I could be on the verge of a wave of anxiety but next week I was going to cut the waiting time 3 days and my pill 2 days anyway. So I'll definitely do that at that time unless it gets worse before then. Then I should be good for labs as I can now usually go at least 6 weeks without getting anxious. I felt fine today but I'm still going to drop my level a teeny bit.

Learned from 23andMe that people with O blood types are between 9-18% less likely than individuals with other blood types to test positive for the virus. Well, Tom is type O so that's great. I don't know what I am.

I like that you can use foil transfers on other things besides nails. Saw a picture of someone who used them for their crafts. Maybe I can decorate some things with some of them like the knobs on my dresser even though I don't plan on taking it with me. I hope I don't have to get foil glue, but I don't think I will. I think they should work with polish or topcoats.

We're going to be in for quite a heatwave, coming close to 110 degrees a few days in a row.

Why is Fitbit telling me I can eat 1519 calories? I’m not actively trying to lose weight and I haven't for a while since deciding to just accept myself as I am, but 4 years ago I set my goal to 1200 calories. Today it’s saying I can have 1388 cals. I don't get it.

I should try to get in the habit of throwing it in the charger when I'm showering. I don't always hit 10K steps, though, especially if I get up late morning or early afternoon. Being tired doesn’t help either. Got the same sleep score of 88 yesterday after sleeping 9 hours and 6 minutes but didn’t awake feeling refreshed. Woke up too many times along the way, I guess. Just a bit stressed over my schedule for my appointment in a couple of weeks and being woken up by the bulk pickup trucks which didn’t come today. They’re late at times. HR went lower, though, to 68.

Looks like the only thing the public can see on my Fitbit profile might be my Lifetime Achievement Stats that keeps a running total of my steps. Funny how it thought I climbed one floor when I was out walking yesterday for 10 minutes. That had to have been on my way back when I was coming up the hill. My HR peaked at 169.

Based on the signs people had in their yards, I was surprised to see at least three Biden supporters on one street alone. Usually, older people tend to be more conservative. I don't know much about Biden, but I would love for anybody but Trump to win and I still feel confident as a psychic that he won't. It was nice to see the very attractive Kamala Harris chosen as his VP running mate. The only thing I don't like about her is that she seems a little too focused on her own rather than everybody as a whole, as it should be. But I would take her any day over Trump and any other conservative. Being conservative means you want to control others that aren't like you and that you believe there is only one correct way. I grew up with a control freak. The last thing we need is someone in charge telling us how to live our lives. I'll never understand why people who are anti-gay marriage or anti-abortion simply don't marry the same sex or get an abortion if they're so against these things. Meanwhile, leave everyone else the fuck alone!

I somehow unlocked a week of Premium Grammarly but so far, I don't see any difference between it and the free version. It does do a great job overall, but it also misses things it shouldn't. So it's not perfect but then what is?

Still nothing from Kim. She got busted badly this time! Enjoying the break from her and I know Aly is too. For once I'm glad that Aly doesn't follow through on her word to blog more regularly with stories or anything else. She's been swearing she's going to start “taking a stand” on some things and sharing her opinions on random topics, but it hasn't happened yet. She did share a few short stories that were under 1000 words but that's it so far. Again, I'm kind of glad because as great of a writer as she is, I don't care for erotica, and I definitely don't want to hear any more than I already do every single fucking day about racism!

8/13/2020 Thursday 8:54 p.m.

Really wanted to go out walking before it was dark enough for the skunks to come out but it's going to be too hot for the next week or so. Once I start sleeping later, I'll go out early in the morning. I ran out to dump some trash just after 10 p.m. and it was still a sauna out. In Arizona, that was common. But not here. It usually cools off after dark.

Fitbit said I slept for 8.5 hours and this time I got a sleep score of 85. However, I feel more rested today than I did yesterday with a score of 88. HR dropped to 65. The bulk trash collectors picked the right time to wake me up because I was getting up at that time anyway. Had they come any earlier, I probably would have ended up tired, especially if I couldn't get back to sleep. I don't think I'll be so lucky tomorrow when the regular trash collectors come. They're going to come earlier.

Fitbit also says my heart is average-good for my age and all that. I crushed my 30-minute activity goal today, but I doubt I'll hit 10K steps getting up late in the day as I did. It will be close, though.

We were excited to learn that they finally got our spit, there's enough, and it's not contaminated or anything like that for analysis. It's now in the queue for the DNA cells to be extracted from the spit! We should have our results on September 2nd, September 17th at the latest. Can't wait!

Tom said Virginia wasn't home all day. She didn't get back until after 8 (at least I’m guessing it was her), so maybe she spent the day elsewhere. I hope she's not having serious health issues, but you never know since it's not uncommon for couples who have been together for decades to die within the same time frame.

I’ve noticed my bite has been slightly off lately where the teeth on the right side almost seem a bit longer, but I wonder if it's why my TMJ has been so much better lately. My bite isn’t bothersome in any way. It doesn't affect how I chew or anything like that. It's just barely noticeable.

Just two and a half weeks to go before the commercial planes will be driving me crazy by the dozens. Since they've been a problem from fall to spring the last couple of years, I doubt they would change flight paths this soon. Not looking forward to that at all! Can't hear the freeway yet but that should be anytime now. So glad this will be our last winter here! For now, I'm going to continue to enjoy the mostly quiet nights that are left to enjoy.

The colorful sink strainers arrived today. I'm using the pink and blue ones and at the end of the year I'll switch them out for the yellow and orange. The rubbery part gets kind of yucky after a while.

I had a bunch of dreams but the only ones I remember are rearranging a large room with Tom somewhere and then another dream where I was young and single again. Maybe another dimension?

Anyway, there was this woman I was interested in and I kept hoping things would go further but wasn't sure she was as into me as I was into her. I dropped hints about advancing to intimacy as she was driving me to her place one evening. Her house had one long big hallway running through the center of it. All the rooms were off to the sides. She gave me a tour of the rooms on one side and then said she had to pee. I asked if I could check out the room across the hall while she was in the bathroom.

With tomorrow's Walmart order, I’m getting (hopefully) a $9 twin airbed like I would get for the RV on the mountain and when we first moved into places and had yet to get any real furniture. Always thought those were the most comfortable things I ever slept on. I'm hoping it will help my hip and keep me cooler since those things tend to be cold. So cold that during the cooler months you need more than just a thin sheet over it. Might not need anything at all since it's summer.

Not saying I'm going to do this, but I might just cycle through these cheap airbeds which don't last long, rather than get a luxury mattress when we get settled wherever since the costs are actually similar, maybe even cheaper. I would get a platform that didn't have screw heads that could poke holes in it like this one has and then use a foam or coil mattress as a base to catch me if I bottomed out in my sleep. I would always have a backup on hand, too.

8/14/2020 Friday 9:43 p.m.

My skin cancer is back or at least what could be pre-cancerous spots. The one she sprayed is back and I have another one that's smaller also on my back. I'll have to have her spray them when I see her in a couple of months. It's probably basal or squamous and although these cancers aren't as aggressive or as deadly as melanoma, they can get into the bones and tissue and cause disfigurement if left untreated. Had a little bit of bleeding with the first one last night.

Really REALLY getting sick and fucking tired of being tired every 2-3 days. I knew I would be today, too. Wish I could get used to it. Hope to hell I’m not tired on moving day! I would assume that the stress of sleeping on such a busy street with so much loud traffic is a big factor, but I won't know for sure until we move. This could just be how I am now, and I could very well be looking at spending the rest of my life tired a third of the time. I sure hope not! Not sure what else could be going on to cause me such fatigue and to not always sleep so well, but I'm sure age is a part of it. I remember one of the times I woke up was because the nature sounds playing on Alexa stopped. It does that sometimes.

My sleep score was 84 and I slept for 6 hours and 44 minutes.

Will be sleeping on the twin airbed tonight or more like tomorrow morning. It's way comfier. Just a little “wobbly,” and I can't use the body pillow because it's too narrow. Maybe I'll get a double some time with a thinner mattress to put underneath to catch me when it leaks since these things don't last long at all. It's slightly tricky to climb into but easy enough to slide out of. Hopefully, I can stop waking up to pee as often as I have.

Made it over 9k steps yesterday but was pissed to have done a half-hour of activity just to have it record only 21 minutes. Guess I skied too slowly at times. Today I'm not going to get shit for steps or exercise. Too tired.

Got my new Fitbit band. Not as shiny as I thought it would be but it's still nice and stylish. It's easier to get on and off too.

My hair is getting long again. I can now reach the ends when the hair is pulled straight from being wet in the shower by reaching from my lower back and upward.

Right after I mentioned not being able to hear the freeway yet, I noticed the soft whisper of it when I was in the bathroom at 3 a.m. yesterday, so it’s slowly trickling back in. It's the fucking onslaught of planes I dread the most.

Got an email at 7 p.m. saying they’re now genotyping my DNA. Exciting!

Dr. Hall is showing up again under Suggestions. All three of them are.

8/16/2020 Sunday 12:48 a.m.

Realizing I no longer needed the Alexa clock giving off unwanted light when I sleep at night, I swapped it out with the one the termite lost out on. It was then that I remembered that this one has issues reading books. Its speaker is messed up and causes a hissing sound. If that happens again, and I'm sure it will, I'll take the one in the kitchen into the bedroom and put the clock one in the kitchen.

I forgot to put my Fitbit back on after my shower yesterday evening. I would love to go out for a walk now but it's much too warm. Fuck it. I think I'm going to go anyway after I post this entry. I'll just stick to this side of the circle and hope I don't see any skunks. They’re easier to get away from on foot. I can turn myself around a lot easier than I can a bike if I see one heading my way. Wonder if heading uphill from next door to our place will count as a floor climbed.

Where my heart is average to good, his is good to excellent. Luckily, healthy hearts run in his family which is the opposite of mine.

Got my best sleep score yet of 89 and I feel much more rested than yesterday, but you know another day or two, I'll be tired again. I don't understand why I sleep shitty so much of the time. I know my sleep disorder doesn't help since it's not good to not be able to keep a schedule. Age and the stress of the noisy street are probably the biggest factors.

Couldn't sleep on the airbed as comfortable as it is because it was a bit too high and “wobbly” being on top of the other mattress. So it’s folded and safely tucked away in the closet for me to sleep on when we get to Florida. The only negatives to the airbed are worrying about it leaking and it does cause a pain right above my tailbone that almost feels like my lower body is trying to detach from my upper body or something, so I can see where waterbeds would be bad. Especially now that I'm older and fatter. I'll just get cheap coils every 3-4 years. Still glad we got this thing because like I said, I can sleep on it when we move until I get a new mattress, and it helped me decide the best way to go. I just can't see a high-end mattress lasting the rest of my life but if I can find one comfortable enough that will, great. No way I'm ordering something like that online, though. We need to go to a mattress store so I can lay on it even if it means dealing with pesky salespeople. Glad we don't have to go to furniture stores for the rest of the furniture although this couch ended up being a lot nicer looking than it feels. It's much too firm.

I'm learning from Aly that there are regional differences between the meaning of words. Where to say you want to jump someone back East means you want to kick their ass, I learned a long time ago that it means you want to get them in bed in the West. Well, apparently, envy and jealousy have different meanings in different locations as well. To me, I'm jealous of the murderer who gets to remain free and live a great life in great health while I envy the lottery winner.

Had a dream I was indoors in a large room that had several Jacuzzis in them. My former GYN was sitting on the steps of one of them talking to someone while she smoked a cigarette. I was surprised to find she smoked and thought that if she was so heavy as a smoker, I'd hate to think of what she might gain if she quit.

Then I was in a long corridor. She came running down it saying she had to puke. She entered a bathroom off the corridor, and I could hear her barfing behind the door.

The nail foils are a bust without the special glue they need, and I’m not too happy that they sent half of what they said they’d send, so I messaged them. Really hoped I could use them with just a clear coat of nail polish but nope. I'll grab some glue the next time we need something from Amazon, plus a holographic topcoat I like.

Love how I can use my metallic polishes on the strips I don't like as much. The ones I put on looked better on the sheet than they do on my nails. The accent strips are fine, but I don't like the dark dull red ones, so I threw polish over those.

Even though I'm not keeping the dresser, I decorated the knobs with some of them too, just for fun.

8/17/2020 Monday 12:46 a.m.

Got up to 111 degrees yesterday. The triple-digit days are going to last for the rest of the month if not close to it.

The freeway is definitely getting louder and I'm sure the planes will as well. Still not sure if we don't hear the planes in the summer because we don't hear the freeway, but I'm dreading their return either way. It is just so damn annoying! The small planes and helicopters you hear from mid-June until now are still more than I've ever heard at night anywhere else but damn peaceful compared to the rest of the year. We can’t escape the saws and projects but we can definitely escape the busy streets and flight paths, which I'm looking so forward to doing. If I feel tears of joy and excitement just thinking about the day we leave this place now, I can just imagine how I’ll be when that day arrives!

I get that going rural means adding barking dogs, screaming kids, and loud music but if we could find a piece of land big enough and situated far enough away from the neighbors, it's got to be better than a park.

I put my original Fitbit band back on because I like being able to wear it on my ankle and I couldn't with the other one. You really need a bigger wrist for the other one but it still fits well enough to wear when I’m going out and things like that.

Again I got a sleep score of 89. I slept for 6 hours and 45 minutes. The lowest I've seen my heart was 65 but that was just one time. It usually drops to about 67-68. So far, I’ve learned that I don't sleep an average of 8-9 hours like I thought but more like 7-8.

23andMe is now saying they expect my results as early as the third rather than the second. His still says the second. What, are my chromosomes more complicated or something?

We're still slowly prepping for the upcoming move. Thus far he's mostly been concentrating on the outside, but the heatwave has been slowing that down a bit.

He's going to show me how to use his adhesive melting thing so I can remove most of the stickers. The little basket of flowers in the bathroom can stay and maybe even the flowers in the bedroom and master bath. It's the rats, stripper, and large rainbow daisy that needs to go. Well, I’m not so sure about the daisy but the dancers in the laundry room can go.

I thought I was hearing things, but nope. We really did get a burst of rain just now. Probably because of the excessive heat. I’m hearing thunder now too.

Got some nail foil glue, a glitter topcoat, and a new mattress pad on the way. This plush pillowtop pad is just over 3 years old and many of the fluffy pockets have gone flat. Gonna cut it up to make disposable liners for the pigs when the new one arrives. They’ll love it.

Oh, fuck. Just heard a commercial. Ugh. So glad this is the last year of this shit!

As I've said, the current plan is to share the termite excerpt a year after we move. I think I might begin my message to them, childish or not, by saying that I got their “apology” on one of my blogs, still want nothing to do with them, but here are the excerpts they asked for, LOL.

Can't wait to get my teeth cleaned. They definitely need it. They're filthy. I can see the plaque and tartar buildup between the teeth, especially the bottom ones. It's making my mouth feel not so clean and it can give you bad breath, not to mention lead to cavities, especially with me. So they're definitely overdue to be done. I just hope no new cavities are discovered! They may be a lot easier to deal with these days, but they still cost money.

The thunder is getting closer.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I should be more private even when I'm more open, so to speak, as I plan to be after the move. Just on PB, though. I don't see myself being publicly regular on Blogger or MD anytime soon unless something happens to PB.

It's just that I realize I'm better off without people knowing my full name. This means I need to keep Facebook separate from other sites since I do use my real name there. Pretty sure that's the only social site where I use my real name besides Skype. You just never know what wacky things someone may send to the house even though they haven’t yet. I just figure the less sensitive information they have, the better. It can't hurt to be cautious.

It sucks to know that those who do know my full name, including the termites, could eventually look up our new address but I can lessen the number of people that could do that if I don't share links to Facebook. Fortunately, the termites aren't very bright. But what's to stop a potential stalker that's just as vindictive but a little more clever from obtaining our address and contacting either the management if it's in a park or our neighbors if it's outside of a park claiming I’m threatening to kill a neighbor or some atrocity like that if they don't make up some story to send the cops out. Of course they would find that it was just some bullshit revenge story, but who needs the hassle? I'm not going all-public until I'm dead and I ain't dead yet.

Really think the termites lost my address based on a comment Sarah made and that they just weren't clever enough to search ZabaSearch, other sites, or bother with a paid search. I know Tammy was just itching to send a letter full of nonsense to Tom just like she did 20 years ago.

8/18/2020 Tuesday 12:52 a.m.

I was right in guessing that I would be tired today although I'm not that tired. Took a sugar crash nap for an hour after eating some candy, then got up, tidied up the kitchen after throwing a couple of BBQ ribs in the slow cooker, and launched the robot vacuum.

I renamed the very first Alexa we got to “Tall” since we have five different Echo devices and I figured it would be easier to keep track of which is which that way. The other one I renamed was the white one without the clock that the termite lost out on. Appropriately, I renamed it “Termite.”

The white one without the clock was okay in the bedroom except it's too muffled-sounding for reading, so right now I have Tall in there and the one with the clock is out in the living room. The first black Dot and Termite are currently offline. Tom has the second black Dot.

I complained to the seller that sent only half of the nail foils they said they would send and was surprised to receive a full refund. They said some senseless thing about me being sent something that was returned or something like that, but either way, I guess sometimes complaining really does pay. Literally.

Still haven't gotten 10K steps yet due to either being tired or because of where my schedule is now, but I have made a point of getting 30 minutes or more of activity 5 days a week. Might take a break from cardio today but not the Bowflex.

It's the strangest phenomenon ever, but my body will absolutely not budge below 153-154. What matters most is that I found a way to keep from gaining to the point that I hit the 160s, but it is weird. My body really wants that extra weight. It hasn't killed me yet, though, and it won't kill me to live another twenty-something years with it. So I can't do jumping jacks or hop on one foot. Big deal. As soon as my weight reaches 157, I can always low-carb back down 2-3 pounds and that's good enough for me.

I had two different dreams about moving, only we didn't move to the country or to a park. The first place seemed kind of industrialized and not at all like it would be peaceful. When I looked out the window at the side of the place, I found it overlooked a parking lot. A truck was pulling into the garage of what looked like an auto mechanic shop.

Decided to sleep in the bedroom furthest from it, but the front, which was where the bedrooms were was horribly close to the street. My bed was practically right on top of the street and I could imagine all the screaming kids passing by on their way to and from school along with the traffic.

The second house seemed to be very spacious. Towards the middle of the place in the back, I noticed that Tom opened a couple of windows and thought it was nice that we could do that there without letting in so much noise.

Then I spotted a spider and ran to get the vacuum to suck it up off its web. However, when I returned with a vacuum, the spider was gone. So then I picked up a can of bug spray only to find that the little nozzle you spray it with was missing.

Then I gave up on the spider and walked towards the side of the house where I caught a glimpse of an old man sitting down in a lawn chair in his backyard. He was perhaps 40 feet away.

Then I walked to the front corner of the house. There was a large area of space between the kitchen and where the front door. I looked out the door and saw the blur of movement between fence planks as a little kid played with her dog next door which stuck out in front of our place. This place was next to the old man, but the old man's house faced a different street than our house and the house with the kid and dog.

Suddenly, the mother and the little girl that had been playing next door were just outside our place and we were introducing each ourselves. I told her my husband was napping at the moment. She had 3 kids which she said were noisy and I said that I thought they were quiet and that I only heard them if I went right up to my door which I didn't have any reason to do very often.

Then I was patting an outdoor pet of theirs which seemed to resemble a baby giraffe.

Lastly, the little girl dropped something, and I bent down to pick it up, but the mother said, “I got it.”

In the last dream, I swore I got off. Not sure if I came for real or just in the dream but as usual, I didn't seem to have a partner, male or female. It was like I was doing myself.

Oh, how interesting. Just peeked in on Molly's Twitter account which is now being followed by an account of Aly's that she said she created a few months ago but wasn't sure what to do with it. Molly complained about some strange email or something to that effect, and Aly asked if Roman, one of the guys Molly is obsessed with, is the pranking type. But she has her theory, she says. Then she said to give her the account or number and she was sure she could find out who was really behind it.

But how? Because she has a paid search or because she can hack it? But if she could hack accounts that easily like Prosebox which doesn't alert users to unrecognized browsers logging in, then why hasn't she messed with anything of mine there? Wouldn't she want to delete some of the things I've said about her that she may not like or agree with? Or maybe she feels going that far would get her in trouble and cause me to restrict my writing to sites she couldn't hack as easily?

Of course, she has the account I'm connected to her on blocked to keep it from being suggested to me, but surprisingly, she didn't block my private account. So maybe she really doesn't know about it then, although a paid search may point it out to her since I did use a valid email to sign up for that account. If I have to verify an email address, I have no choice.

Seems she's hesitant to blog or incorporate pent-up anger into stories to share for fear of “harming” friendships. Says not everyone needs to know her every thought anyway and that it's better that way.

Yeah, I've had more than enough of the race-related shit but it's statements like this that make me wonder just how true a friend she is. Or how honest. I learned a long time ago that she doesn't always say what's on her mind and can be very two-faced by telling me everything's okay and then “secretly” tweeting just the opposite. She told Molly that Sunday was an awful day and while she did mention skin and tummy issues to me, she didn't describe them as “awful.” In fact, she said she was in better spirits when I asked her if she was.

She's so damn sensitive and fragile that anything I say, no matter how harmless it may seem at least to me and most people, could offend her. I stopped worrying so much about that, though, not that I don't care but because I have to be me. I can't babysit her feelings and constantly try to guess whether or not she may take something I say the wrong way. Some things are obvious, but I could tell her I don't like the colors olive or mustard yellow and she could take it personally for all I know.

Really hope she doesn't have a way of finding out that I’m now aware of and watching this account because I'd love to see what she may say or hint about me. On the other hand, she knows she could be found if she's unprotected, so we'll see. It will be interesting to see if she happens to change handles or get rid of the account soon because if she does it will definitely make me think she has a way of tracking her Twitter visitors that I don't know about.

8/19/2020 Wednesday 1:03 a.m.

OMG, I've learned to make the best scrambled eggs ever! First I crack the eggs into a bowl and spray the surface with butter spray. Then I add some garlic salt, minced onion, and shredded cheese, and mix it all up. So delicious! But I really should wait until I talk to my doctor in October about that thing I read saying eggs don't raise cholesterol levels like saturated fat and see what she thinks. Just because I probably wouldn't opt in for chemo if I had cancer doesn't mean I want to hasten my death along either.

Looks like the spots on my back are healing so maybe they weren’t pre-cancerous spots. We're keeping an eye on them and I'll decide when I see my doctor if they're worth mentioning or not. I've had suspicious spots before that went away, like the one on my chest.

Got the nail glue today which came with a cute little case of 10 solid-colored glitter foils. I not only learned that I really needed that glue but that the longer you keep the foil on before peeling it off, the more of the design will transfer. I think it will be best to get solid colors rather than foils with flowers and other designs because it's hard to transfer the entire thing. I'm finding it's best for making random streaks of color. I did the nail with turquoise polish with shots of red, royal blue and silver. Did the dark red nail strip with royal blue, gold and a speck of green. So multicolored nails are the easiest to create. Didn't need to cure it either. I just threw a topcoat over it. So from now on, any boring colored nail polish strips that are included in the sets I get will be dressed up with shots of color.

Grabbed some cuticle oil along with what should be my last 3-pack of hair dye in this place. I usually do it every few months, so I'll probably dye my hair in September, December and March.

I'm glad I didn't send Aly any more nail strips because just when she thought the nail hardener was helping her nails, they're brittle and breaking again. She's going to ask her doctor about it when she sees them.

She's really stressed out right now and considering moving home when her lease is up because her mother isn't eating. She lost 45 lbs and is really frail and does nothing but lie around. Her dad isn't doing well either and she’s scared for them. Guess that's why I haven't had the feeling that they would make it to Florida, unfortunately, but they are old. Not really old but they're in their seventies.

I hate to do it since I've been feeling great but I'm cutting doses and waiting time this week because I just don't see myself being able to make it without getting anxious all the way into early October when I go to the lab. After the lab, we'll see if I can beat my 10-week record.

I've been getting a lot of spam calls from my area code, but I can never find out who the hell the numbers go to. A couple of them have green verified checks next to them but they never leave a message. The only message I got today was a 3-minute message in which only soft office sounds could be heard in the background. It's got to be some type of spam or scam for them not to be leaving real messages and to keep calling from different numbers as if they expect to be blocked or something. Whenever I try to find out who owns the numbers, I don't get any concrete answers but a mix of possibilities instead. I suppose one could never know for sure since anyone could get phone numbers, email addresses, and pretty much anything in a bogus name. So I'm thinking spam or scam like maybe they want to try to get “donations” for some fictitious cause.

Slept well for 6 hours and 20 minutes with a sleep score of 88. Got up once to pee, and don't remember any dreams.

Going to be running out to Rite Aid when they open in the morning. I might do a pre-dawn walk but I'm not sure yet. I'll definitely hit the Bowflex and do some indoor cardio.

I was sitting here thinking about how I was wrong in believing we would always be broke. Now if only I could find next year that I'm just as wrong in believing we’ll never have a place we both absolutely love. That's more complicated than money. With money, you either have it or you don't. But when it comes to where you live, there are a number of factors that can make it either good or bad.

On the bright side, if we had a place, I totally fell in love with I would only worry we’d lose it. It always seems harder to stay in the good places even though we’ll never be in the kind of predicament we were in 20 years ago because things are so much different now in so many ways.

I'm never going to have a peaceful place to live. I get that. Just wasn't meant to be. But I think we can do better than this place. We can certainly improve the climate as well even if it means bringing on the humidity.

The nights are still peaceful but in a few weeks, they won’t be.

8/20/2020 Thursday 12:40 a.m.

It's great to see the serious or critical down by about 5,000 cases. They say we can expect another surge at the end of the year but hopefully, that will be the last one and we’ll have access to a vaccine early next year.

First day under the triple digits in a while. It's even getting down to 65 degrees tonight instead of 75 as it has been. The 10-cast says we're going to range between 97 and 100 degrees.

Bet the guy across the street is just itching to jump out and grab that fucking saw, aren't you, you little cock? At least it will make it easier for Tom to work outdoors. The new fence isn't up yet but he's been cleaning the gutter that runs alongside the carport.

Went out for a 15-minute walk yesterday morning at 6:30 since I did 15 minutes on the treadmill earlier. The sky was tainted brown due to the fires and I could make out the faint smell of smoke.

There are two definite new markings on Tandy at both ends of the street. If prayer actually worked, I would be down on my knees praying that they don't work in the street by our place before we leave!

My hip pain started up yesterday but it's not too bad today. Didn't sleep so well either. Kept waking up a lot. Twice I had to get up and pee and once due to loud traffic blasting by. Sometimes I woke up just because. He cooked something strong-smelling, though I'm not sure if the smell woke me up or if I woke up and then smelled it.

I feel like I'm stuck in one big waiting game now with so many months ahead of us. We're still eight or nine months away from moving. I'm excited but nervous. I just can't picture us lucky enough to go straight from this place to a new home, though. No, something up there must fuck with us and delay things, so we're stuck in an extended-stay hotel for a while and losing money which would delay moving from the temporary home even more. I'm surprised there were delays getting into this place as noisy as it is. If it were up to me, though, I would rather leave now and spend a couple of weeks in a hotel before getting into the house as opposed to waiting nearly a year and going straight to the house.

The biggest negative to owning is that it's so hard to move when you want to! You can't just up and go whenever yet in most cases it's cheaper to own than rent. Even the one-bedroom apartments around here are more than this place and I can't stand living attached to others anyway since adding door slamming, footsteps, TVs, music and voices to all the outside commotion is definitely not something I could ever get into.

Still no Bob obit, so I'm guessing there never will be. I wonder why. It just seems strange. Maybe everybody hated the guy. That family isn't hurting for money, so they could definitely afford one.

12:40 a.m. and a commercial just passed overhead. In another 10-15 days, they're going to be driving me crazy.

Came up with a story idea but I'm thinking I'm going to just wait until NaNoWriMo as I don't expect to get another one between now and then.

Ran out to Rite-Aid yesterday.

It seems the thing Aly told Molly she would find out who was behind was a Twitter account pretending to be a celebrity Molly's really into, Nick Carter. That totally smacks of Kim but if she's not allowed online, then it's obviously someone else fucking with her.

8/21/2020 Friday 3:37 a.m.

Yay, my DNA is in review now! So is his, so we’re in the same batch.

I slept better and woke up feeling more rested but now the fatigue is setting in yet again. Perhaps that's because I've had nothing but junk since getting up. A huge TV dinner and ice cream. I'll get some blueberries into me soon. Plus a 100-calorie pack of cashews.

Don't know if I'm going to be going out walking this morning because of the smoke due to the fires coming from Vacaville. That's about 45 miles from us. Yesterday, just opening the front door to receive groceries gave me quite a whiff of smoke and it made my lungs tight enough to need a puff of my inhaler. Tom didn't do any outside work.

Fitbit asked Tom if he would be willing to participate in an experiment that he agreed to and that he may ultimately get paid for. They want to study his HR. We're guessing this study is for people in their 60s.

He got a sleep score of 90 the other day. I can't imagine ever getting mine that high. It was 88 the last time around, and my heart went down to 65.

The dentist texted me the other day saying to watch for the latest COVID-19 instructions 2 hours before my appointment next week. Definitely looking forward to getting my teeth cleaned. They're overdue and kind of yucky looking. Time for new mouthguards too as this one is getting kind of old and gross. I soaked it in peroxide earlier.

In just a couple of weeks, I will have been alive for 20K days. If I'm right about not making it to 80, then I should have less than 10K days to go. I'm okay with that too. The world and the people in it have always been fucked up but it just seems to be getting worse and worse with time. Plus I still get bored a lot. How many thousands of days could I do the same things over and over again? I just hope my death isn't too torturous and that there's no afterlife!

I had a dream we were living somewhere and were both up late one night when I heard a motorcycle tear out of the park. I could still hear it once outside the park over 1000 feet away and was worried that we’d never be able to get far enough away from them for me to not have to blast the sound machine while sleeping.

This is a real concern of mine too. Especially when motorcycles are even more abundant in Florida. Had they been roaring by our place in Maricopa, even though the bedroom was about 150 feet away from the street, it would have woken me up even with the box fan I would sleep with. But motorcycles have never been a problem for me until I came here, and I know they're worse in Florida, both from what I heard when I was there and read online.

I didn't hear any in the park throughout the night, but I heard plenty of them blazing down the freeway. That may not be nearly as maddening as when they go by the house but they're still audible enough, especially at night when sound carries easier.

Interestingly enough, I also had a dream about that cold-hearted bigot Rosemarie from the Vista Ventana apartment complex that apparently made more of a lasting impression on me than I would have imagined given the very brief time I knew the gorgeous Italian hater.

I guess we ended up living in the same apartment building or maybe they were rented rooms or something. Either way, we eventually recognize each other, and I told her I would never be the pest I was years ago, something I would never say since I was never a pest in any way. But we seemed to put the past behind us and get along, eventually connecting on Facebook. I sat silently watching in the background and then one day she said she was glad that Rick, the guy she was with at the time I knew her in real life, was long gone because he was such an asshole. I was sure to “like” that one.

In real life, he seemed like he was a very controlling and probably abusive guy. I believe Rosemarie was indeed straight and uncomfortable around lesbians and bisexual women, but I always wondered if things might have turned out differently had Rick not been around to be such a negative influence on her. Perhaps we would have been friends. Who the hell goes from claiming to be understanding and accepting one minute to telling me that they thought about it and were too religious to bother with my kind the next? Regardless, it was one of many glimpses into the darkness and dishonesty the lies within so many people's hearts shown to me between the late 80s and early 90s which helped to shape me into the distrusting and non-sociable person I became. What I could really kick myself for most was how forgiving I remained so late in life. So many people I took back into my life that I never should have. An apology meant everything to me and was the magic word for making things better. Never again! Once a person proves to be a problem, that's it. I'm done. I don't have to be forced to go to school with anyone of toxic nature, and I don't have to work with anyone who’s fucked up, so there's no need or reason to put up with any drama unnecessarily. Why put myself through that and do that to myself when I've had more than enough? Definitely better to have just a few close friends than dive into a sea of people which I'm smart enough to know is mostly going to bring trouble. Even Tom's had enough bad experiences with people to have smartened up. But he's smarter than me. He caught on way before I did. The only reason I accepted the termite back into my life was to get my hands on whatever money I could when our parents died to help us move. As soon as I had the money, I should have bailed.

I wasn't at all surprised to read that countries run by women have been more successful in dealing with the virus. I've always believed women, in general, were smarter than men (except for Tom). Better looking too, for the most part, LOL. It's about time people are finally seeing this and that there is no “weaker” sex. There's more to fighting than size and gender. Like rage, determination, fitness level, and other things.