whoknows

Thoughts
2020-08-19 01:50:04 (UTC)

-Tangled_

so...... it's maybe possible that I'll not be writing the exam which I thought of writing. And this is because I haven't cleared some of the exams due to which there is an error. And this is soooo upsetting! Maybe I wasn't destined to write the exam this time! It's so frustrating. ND i ALSO feel anger right now. And my head hurts, we were supposed to write the exam together on the same day. I don't know what's wrong with my head. I only only feel negative emotions lately , my head has become a total junkyard. It's so frustrating to live with a negative mindset , my mouth just utters nonsense at times which I may not be feeling actually but things just come out of my mouth, all negative , disappointing, and things .. when people hear all of that.. they say.. I didn't know you thought this way..no.

Subconsciously, this negativity has taken place all over my brain.. It's always there. You know I really can't talk all straight or i can't have the convos which people really have with one another. Which also is called bonding. I literally cannot bond over with people.

It feels like my head is getting eaten up .. little by little. I don't know how long will I be able to take all this. I feel this is really a monster inside my head feeding on my brain. There are times when i'm all normal and fine , and then out of nowhere I get all angry , frustrated , irritated , and I start hating myself even more.

And I messed up my studies too i feel. Normally people when they have problem .. then they get a little low in studies .. not all the times though. But in my case I don't think I even had any sort of problem , still I am unable to concentrate on them. There are times .. when out of nowhere a subject sometimes seems nice and I get okay ok marks. And sometimes there are subjects in which i score really really poor.. that i have to take retests 1,2,3..5 times maybe.

I'm unable to understand what is this feeling which i'm feeling inside? .. Is that feeling even real? or something not maybe.
I want to become someone who accepts all the flaws of own. And someone who is standing firm on the ground even at difficult times and even if fear tries to touch .. this person would deal with it in a smiling face. Fierce, down to earth , knows self values, and someone who doesn't fear of responsibilities. And of course has a ... come what may .. i'll be moving forward clearing the obstacle .. attitude. Someone feels things, understands , and values everything. Speaks for self , expresses own views ,overcomes the slightest fear. In toto .. I really want to feel good about my self and no more look down on self ... even if I may not be good at something. Maybe I'm good at something the other.. which I haven't discovered it yet.


They say if you need something ... then you have to ask for it. Like the LOA... you have to ask the universe for it. Or simply let it out in the world for it to come in search of you. Or else how is anyone or the universe going to know .. what is that you want. 1


I shall not whine in yesterday's mistakes,
rather work in correction of them.
I know it might hurt and you might want to it up,
but bear with it a little more,
as you were free in the past so you're here,
therefore don't leave and keep pushing through.


I want to write more, but this battery won't let me do so.. bc it's draining fast.
see ya tomorrow diary!




Ad: