Scream Above the Sounds
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2020-08-18 08:02:54 (UTC)


I've woken up at 8am, I guess I'm finding normalcy there. I think I feel better for it, I don't know. I feel exhausted no matter what time I wake up or sleep, but I guess it's nice to be more active when everybody else is; not that I say much to anybody in the household anyway. I keep having strange dreams; lately just filled with lust and sex. It's pretty bizarre. I then wake up wanting that. I wouldn't describe myself with a very high sex drive. I mean I enjoy sex, but I don't have a craving or need for it, at least I didn't before. I oddly feel like I do now. I don't know what's triggered that. It's not like it's lust for a person in particular either. I don't know, dreams can be wild.

I've slept with three people and I had strong feelings for them all, the first I was with for 9 years or so. I'm not really well versed in 'terminology' of any sort nowadays, but I think it's referred to as 'demi-sexual' or something.

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

I don't think I could just sleep with somebody for the sake of doing it. I wouldn't feel comfortable and it just wouldn't feel right. I've been to clubs in the past, in my early 20s and I've pulled women, but I would never take them home or whatever, just too weird for me. I guess I'm still a shy boy deep down, regardless of how old I become. I need to know the person well, there has to be feelings involved and we need to have that connection, otherwise it just feels pointless for me. I think sex is probably something that is quite undervalued in this day and age. I don't think it's revered in the ways it used to be; to symbolise love and closeness etc. I mean sex can be whatever you want it to be, it can be a fun dirty game or whatever, and that's fine too. I don't really know where I'm going with this. I think I'm just feeling lonely. Sex is just a strong theme in these dreams I've been having for the last week or so. It can't be a bad thing, I guess.