Life On The Line
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2020-08-14 20:21:46 (UTC)

So confused...

Ok, it's been a while but I have been writing in my notebook diary as sometimes that's easier. I keep telling myself I am over my ex but I'm not...I know he doesn't care for me but I also know he is trying so much to hurt me when really it should be easy enough to both just ignore eachother. I don't want to play anymore games with him, I'm tired and I'm too old for them.
I know what he wrote was to try and get a reaction because once I deleted my Instagram, he took it off. What I don't understand is why? If he didn't write it because it was nothing to do with me, why delete after I've deleted Instagram? Why do it in the first place if you don't want to be with me? Honestly he has shown how much he doesn't care about me and apparently like he never did but yet still tries to make himself known to me.. Yet all I'm trying to do is just TRY and get over him as freely as I can because it already damn hurts without the extra shit from him.
If he is intending to hurt me on purpose, then that isn't someone who I want to be with him anyway. I just wanna be on my own for a while, get over my feelings for him and live my life. I wish he made it easier for me, but he doesn't.
I hope one day he is happy with someone, I want him to be happy because I do love him but I don't want it chucked in my face that I wasn't the girl for him & that's what he is doing.
Today as been a wake up call for me though, If he wants to try and hurt me, fine.. that's ok but I'm not gonna play that game back, I don't want to hurt him, I don't really care what he does anymore as much as I love him. For me it is about me moving on, me moving on from my feelings for him because honestly I don't want to like/love someone that really doesn't feel that way about me.

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