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me and my life
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2020-08-14 07:39:54 (UTC)

Overthinking & regrets

See these days i have been writing much of negative because nothing positive is happening around. i actually don't like to document all sad things but this makes me feel good because I feel like I have shared it with someone. Yesterday I was thinking or rather say over thinking about my life, what I concluded is that whatever I did in my life was waste, My MBA as no much value, My relationship of 4 yrs was waste every bit of it, buying car is waste I don't drive her much she is just there, My hard work at office never led me to any progress just fake praises, my struggle of acting, My German study is of no use. I clearly blame myself for all this and also on my destiny, luck bad luck that nothing led me to any thing. I'm really afraid of marriage now, what if that also dint work well??? this is stressing me out. Failure is major part of my life. whatever decisions I took always went wrong. It will be 1 yr tomorrow of me resigning. I do regret but i'm also happy of not working there. How could I be so light on quitting my job?? 1 yr and i'm sitting at home. Doing absolutely nothing productive but yes I did support my family in this times. I am OK to do any kind of job i get now. I still of big but don't know how to achieve them. I consider myself as a LOSER as of now. all I know is to cry that's it.
I should have gotten some work but no my bad luck is so so strong that negative energy i'm enveloped in is not letting good things happen to me. I'm not even happy at home. I don't have any fucking idea on what am I gonna do or what is gonna happen? I was much confident yrs ago than now. I guess if i would have taken some serious decision on my career i would have reached somewhere. Maybe abroad study or so...
god I pray for good future pls help me show me the path I'm ready for hard work.
Things are not in my hands i just cant do anything about anything. and whatever i do is just not working right but ill still strive.
Also, I never knew in my scariest dream that ill ever be in such shitty situation. anyways byeee


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