I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) when I was in fourth grade. I had had a panic attack at school and my mom picked me up and brought me to the doctor. The only part of that doctors visit that I remember is my mom crying after the doctor gave me the diagnoses. I don't even remember the panic attack I just remember her crying. My mom tells me there were other signs before this. She said I would never go to my gymnastics class alone and for sixth months I had stomaches and then finally passed a kidney stone due to stress. 10-year-olds usually aren't so stressed that they have kidney stones.
When I was 11 I came up with a plan to kill myself. I was going to go through it that night, but instead, I told my mom. My Prozac dosage was upped and I started going to therapy.
My anxiety is still a struggle 6 years later. I upped my dosage up to 30mg, but I graduated therapy. I have an amazing support network of family, friends, and pets. I know if I were to ever get to the place I was at 11 I would have a whole community behind me. Even with this, I have my bad moments. I have to be on time for everything. I am terrified of letting people down and I can't say no.
The reason I am writing this down is that I have never told anyone the in-depth story. My friends know I have wanted to die in the past and that technically I am mentally ill. I don't share the details because I don't want to seem like I want attention. I don't want them to pity me. I am strong. I survived my own brain trying to kill me.
I chose happiness today because I don't want my past selves' sadness to be in vain. I learned and I became happy. I hope you do too.