Idk what to do with my life
2020-08-03 21:18:00 (UTC)

Thinking about my future

I think the worst thing about the world is that everybody has expectations in you. Your parents want you to become a lawyer or the ceo of a successful company but do they ever ask you what you want your life to be? I don`t know but my parents always just told that I am going to take over their business when I`m old enough and I always said that I of course are going to do that because everyone in my environment expected that from me. But now I´m getting older and I ask myself if I really want to spend my own life like that. And I`m torn. If I`m really looking into me I know the answer is no but I don`t what I should answer if somebody asks me again.

I`m quite good at school in the moment and I always wanted to go to college after I graduated but I don`t even know what I want to study. there are so many options but nothing really appears correct to me. I´m scared to think about my future because I don´t understand how my life should workout. Besides from not knowing how I will earn money I`m also scared that I will be alone forever.
Being alone in general is my biggest fear. And I don`t refer to sitting alone in your room because I enjoy that a lot more than going out. What I mean with being alone is not having anyone to talk to, no one remembering your existenz and no one really loving you. It scares me because I know that only 5 people will remember me after school and I will pobably also lose contact with them. Like every other human I want to find someone that really truely loves me but at the moment nobody wants to get to know me more closely. And I don`t expect finding my husband or wife at school but it terrifies me that everybody only sees me as that one irrelevant girl.