Idk what to do with my life
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2020-08-03 20:36:00 (UTC)

New Ideas

Today I decided that I should start to be more productive. Well, I actually knew that a long time ago but I never really started to do something. I always just do the stuff that I need to do for school but also only the minimum and besides from that I only have dances classes once a week (I also practice dances at home especially K-pop once) and sometimes I also shoot with an air rifle. But I always feel so lonely and empty when I`m at home. I don`t know why. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn`t be alive and I`m just a waste of oxygen and food. It`s too quite at home. The only few people that bring me joy are my three best friends. I already know two of them for around 5 years and since then I`ve always been close to one of them and just started to get closer with the other one one year ago. I also always saw the third one but we never really talked even though i always was interested in her. Then we celebrated New Years Eve together (She and the girl I always was friends with already were close). Now we all are inseparable and it feels like I`ve known them for centuries. But the times I`m not with them i feel terrible.

I also recently started to workout because I never really felt comfortable in my body and I also want to build muscels. Now I want to draw. I never really been interested in Art and I`m also not extremly good at it but I noticed that there are alot of ideas and feelings in my head that I may be able to express trough drawings. Music is another thing that is really important to me and it`s also a kind of art. l thought about taking guitar lessons but my parents say that I`m to old to start now. Another idea is to start writings songs. Like I said before I have a lot of feelings inside me and maybe it`s good to just write them down. I mean I probably won`t show them to anyone because I`m not even confitant enough to read a text I wrote infront of my class but I also don`t have to. I´m also a member of my school choir so I could try and sing to myself. I definitely don`t have the voice of a star but it`s fun and I could train my voice. These are the things I will do in the next week and maybe I will post lyrics or something on here and if anybody sees that they could give me feetback.

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