SadBoyNick

A Place to Vent
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Ezoic
2020-03-16 00:00:00 (UTC)

Failure

So I've been self harming again. I know it's a destructive habit, but it's hard to stop. I've been doing it since Lucy broke up with me and I've been good at hiding it until now.

I was sitting at the back of the bus with my friends on our way to the rock climbing place for our school trip and it was a warmer day and the bus never had working air conditioning so I had rolled my sleeves up a little without thinking. I had my arms pressed against me for most of the trip so no big deal, but when i was getting off I tripped over snd when Ben went to catch me he grabbed my arm and saw all my cuts and scars.

I panicked and yanked my arm out of his grip, which made my arm burn with pain, pulled down my sleeve and yelled at him not to tell anyone. i could tell by the look on his face he wanted to say something. I shouldn't have yelled at him. He did nothing wrong. All he did was grab my arm, he didn't even say anything.

On the way back to the bus after the activity Ben pulled me aside. I thought he would yell at me for self harming but he just hugged me and told me to talk to him next time. I apologised for yelling at him and he forgave me. Ben doesn't know how much I needed that hug or how much that meant to me.

I finally broke my streak that night. I didn't cut myself. I hadn't gone a single night without cutting since Lucy left, but knowing someone cared about me helped a little.


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