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man. this diary is rife with ableism. it truly is a shame i was never able to get that under control. acceptance, "embracing it", it just, never happens for me. i guess this is where my seeming complete lack of ability to form a narrative for and of myself becomes an issue. i got a raw hand maybe, but watch me overcome! i could never just be. there was always something wrong. always. even the best moments. my existence is a toxic dump site.
i can point the finger at family and how my formative years were a shit show -in a manner of speaking - but i could have figured out healthier ways. pe