Amethyst

I don't even know
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2020-07-31 16:25:12 (UTC)

Emotions Suck

Dear Diary,
I feel tired today. My parents are out right now. They needed to do some work. I like it when my parents are out. My siblings stay in their own rooms and mind their own business until they get hungry. I like being alone. It makes me feel happy a bit. Emotions are weird. Sometimes I'm mad, sometimes joyful. I need an outlet for my negative emotions, but I don't wanna talk to people or express them in front of people. That's sort of why I have this diary. It makes me feel better to express these. I always feel like I'm not enough or I'm lacking. I can't make everybody happy with me no matter how hard I try. But when they are happy with me, it's when I'm being fake. Fake happiness. Smile, act Energetic, and talk nicely. Whenever I feel down, my parents would always bother me by saying that I should smile. Just goes to show that people don't want to bother themselves with your problems. I don't trust people often. I like feeling genuinely happy. Like when we went on a picnic in Italy. That place was beautiful. There was a small stream. You could hear a waterfall. It was on the mountains so it was pretty cold; but I didn't mind. I prefer the cold than the heat. Sometimes I wish I could get rid of my negative emotions. My usual outlets are just crying in the bathroom, writing out how I feel, and even....cutting. But that doesn't matter right now. It's just troublesome to explain. That's for another entry I guess. When I cry, my head hurts, and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. I can't stop myself when I cry, so I just let it all out. I don't let myself cry in front of people; especially my family. They would just be confused and ask too many questions. But that's only when I feel sad. When I'm scared I would cry sometimes. One time, me and my friend were outside when all of a sudden these two guys started fighting and throwing punches. When I went home, I was so scared and cried when I walked into my house. My mom comforted me but asked a lot of questions. It was bothersome and that's the last time I decided to cry in front my parents like a baby.


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