Subtropical Lady

July 2020 (1)

7/1/2020 Wednesday 2:19 p.m.

My dentist’s appointment yesterday was a piece of cake! No numbing required and no pain either when she used the laser to fill my root canal and the two other cavities. They were friendlier too, in that they were more personable and chattier. I was there for an hour and a half and it came to $420. It would have been twice that much without my discount card. It cost us about $150 more than it would to get three old-fashioned fillings with our old insurance plan, but this was totally worth it. Again, I'm glad I was forced to seek out a new dentist because I realize now just how behind the times my old dentist was. I can understand not wanting to invest in the latest technology when you're close to retiring, though.

I'd say it takes about the same amount of time. What makes it so much better, though, is that they don't need to numb you since the laser itself numbs you while it works. Of course she also didn't have to numb the root canalled tooth to remove the temporary filling since the root is dead. It was strange having her be able to use a drill on me without numbing me beforehand, LOL. The part where they fill the teeth is pretty much the same. It's just so much nicer having the laser, which is water, clean out the decay instead of the drill. She only used the drill to file the fillings after they were cured to make sure my bite was where it should be.

I'm now whitening my teeth for the first time in months. I didn't want to do it with open cavities because the bleach would irritate me. I've even got a pack of gum for the first time in a while to enjoy. I'm just so glad all this shit is over! Really hope it's quite a while before my teeth give me any shit again. At the end of August, I'll go in for a cleaning. It's important to keep up with cleanings as easily as I get cavities, and I can see the plaque and tartar buildup that we all get no matter how well we care for our teeth.

Due to the virus, they texted me a quick virus questionnaire that I filled out and returned. Then I had to text them to let them know when I was there. A few minutes later they texted back saying I could come in. I went in with my mask on and used a hand sanitizer they had on their counter. There were a couple of other patients there and I saw another girl working with one of them. I'm guessing she's the hygienist.

I'm glad I wore short sleeves instead of my sleeveless sundress because it was freezing in there. Like as cold as my old dentist used to keep her place. It was funny because she said I looked cute in my little “pink” outfit. Is she as colorblind as my dear hubby, LOL? That pink outfit was really bright orange with yellow and white stripes in the top. It's one of the few outfits I still have that my mother sent before we left Auburn where the Golden State Killer and former pig once lived.

When I said I wished I could take them with us when we moved since they did such a great job, Dana asked where we were moving to. She didn't seem too thrilled with what I told her, suggesting we test-drive it first since wet heat isn’t like dry heat. That's exactly what we plan to do. The dentist, on the other hand, says humidity doesn't bother her at all and she likes how it reduces wrinkles because it supposedly “puffs” you out, LOL. She said if she was retiring now, she’d move to South Carolina or Texas in a heartbeat. Texas is our backup state, as I told her. I'm more likely to have a problem sleeping through all the storms than dealing with the humidity but we'll find out next year!

The thing is that we would be indoors in air-conditioning most of the time. It's not like we would be outdoors a lot or going to many different places. Tom loves being retired and says he could easily stay home every day and catch up on all the fun projects he's been wanting to do but just hasn't had time to during all the years he worked. I can see where most would want to stay home when you had to go out day after day, decade after decade. However, he's still open to going to the beach occasionally and taking a few trips here and there. But yeah, we're both happy homebodies, you can say. There are only so many places to go every day, we're not sociable, and we don't want to always be doing things that cost money. But being homebodies doesn't mean we're lazy or irresponsible. We still keep active and take care of the necessary responsibilities that go into caring for the home, yard, pets, and each other.

So since I realized that yes, we really are moving in less than a year and there are only so many more recyclable pickups until then, I started going through unwanted items that can be recycled to toss out.

Dahl didn't go saw crazy like I thought he would a couple of days ago, but he's been having more company again and I wonder what's up. I wonder if something's wrong with him or maybe it was the anniversary of his wife's death or something like that. I don't know exactly when she died. I just know the other guy was a much quieter neighbor. Even the loud car he drove before he had a stroke was preferable to the random sawing.

Decided not to try to hold my schedule. It would only make me more tired than I already am enough of the time. I researched things that are found to be helpful with increasing energy and ginseng is recommended, so I got some tea with it that I'll have the next time I’m so fatigued that I don't even have the energy to work out.

Strangely enough, they still haven't brought in the new house. What was even stranger was that I saw a black couple drive up in a car and then a skinny woman got out, sat down on the steps, and took a selfie. I wonder what the hell that was about. Can't be a prospective buyer, fortunately, because the newsletter said the woman that lives there didn't move. I would hate to have blacks move in that close. Even if they weren’t a problem, the chances of visitors with car stereos would be more likely.

Tom just saw Bob and Virginia leaving and Bob was driving. Wow! Didn't realize he was still with it enough to drive, so that's great.

Camp NaNoWriMo begins today and it's time to get on with that!

7/2/2020 Thursday 12:49 p.m.

A friend and I were discussing how some people have such great lives yet they don't even know it. Their worst problems are nothing compared to some things we've been through. I try not to compare myself to others because it would only piss me off. Life was never fair and it never will be for as long as humans exist. Yet when I think of those whose worse problems are to do chores they don't want to do while they have everything paid for and catered to them that most people have to struggle for, I wonder when? When will something happen to shake up their worlds and make them look back and realize that their past “problems” weren't so bad after all? I just wonder when they’ll get so sick or forced to struggle in ways that make them look back and say, “Damn, I really was once quite lucky! I had it so easy. But now I know what real hardships are.”

My lymph nodes are down, I'm pleased to find. They’re still noticeable but not as noticeable as they were before. Maybe my teeth really did have something to do with them being swollen. I'll give it a few more days to see how they do. If they swell up again, I thought that instead of messaging Doc A asking to come in sooner, I would simply ask for her advice and opinion on the matter.

Pretty sure my sore hip is really my sciatic nerve acting up. A bit of a bitch to deal with because it lasts so long when it acts up. He and I have both had this issue before.

We've been bumping the AC up to 80 degrees between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. which is the most expensive time. Not so much to save money as to make the last year's worth of utilities look good for future buyers that may check into that.

Last night I had a dream that I looked out the back door (which was the front door in the dream) and up at the house across from the Twenties. It was the middle of the night and I saw a tall lanky guy slouched over and running up toward the fence in a hurry. I immediately knew he was up to no good. Then I realized there were three of them. I overheard one say they wanted to smash the windows of an empty place that had been vacant for a long time. This place doesn't exist in reality. I started to shout out to them and it took several tries before they heard me. Just as one turned to look at me and started toward me, I shut the door and fumbled for the lock. Just as I turn the deadbolt, an act which seemed to take too many seconds, I wished I kept quiet and simply called the cops rather than called out to them. The dream ended before they could do whatever they were going to do next.

I know I had many other dreams but can't remember them. The only other dream I remember from the night before was looking at a satellite image of someplace and finding a peculiar circle in the middle of a bay. I figured it must be some kind of dock, even though it looked like some kind of drain. Almost like a plug you could reach down and pull to drain the ocean.

7/3/2020 Friday 1:49 p.m.

855 Camp NaNo words written with more to come in a little while.

I totally can't wait to settle on a state and be done with communities! First it was the garbage truck waking me up, a problem I've never had anywhere before in my life, and I just heard that damn saw we can't even go a week without. It's only a few seconds here and there but annoying, nonetheless. It's going to be hard not to just hope no prospective buyers question him and run over there and give him a piece of my mind. We're still going to be here for the better part of a year and I don't want to listen to his shit for that long.

Amazingly, I'm not tired at all. I could be tomorrow, though, if the motorcycles take over for the garbage trucks and wake me up.

They closed the clubhouse again and I wouldn't be surprised if we were locked down again. Tom doesn't think we will be, though. On the 6th, the water will be off for six hours but I'll be asleep during that time. First time they had the decency to give us a few days' warning.

Since I really like Mac better than Windows as Windows is missing so many handy features or just don't work in the way I would like compared to Mac, we were thinking that if we get another stimulus check, I'll get an iPad. I probably shouldn't and instead should treat it as reimbursement for all the dental work I've had to have done but we'll see.

Although they say they need to conduct more studies, a small study was done shining red light into about 24 women and men's eyes and it was found that it helped their vision. Well, I certainly could use all the help I can get! You only need to do this for 3 minutes a day. So I'm staring into a large red dot on my monitor for 3 minutes each day and I'll do this for the rest of the month and see if there's any difference.

We went to Rite Aid earlier since Walmart was out of some things. It was the most crowded I've ever seen it but everyone had masks on. Only one dumb cock came in without a mask.

I visited with Dixie yesterday evening and it was one of the nicest visits. She didn't ramble on as much and I didn't feel the conversation was too one-sided. She actually asked me about some things and seemed interested in my Camp NaNo project. Sent her the first few chapters.

7/4/2020 Saturday 7:39 p.m.

So glad it's finally the 4th, but I'll be even gladder tomorrow. The fucking fireworks are really starting to get old. It was pretty wild around here last night. Doubt any of it came from inside the park, though.

For our own different reasons, we agree that we're probably going to fly to Florida rather than drive. His reason is that he hates driving. Mine has to do with my sleep issues.

Yesterday I was woken up by the garbage truck. Today it was someone slamming into the speed bump. What will it be tomorrow, motorcycles? I can't wait to get back to rural living! I've hated every community I’ve ever lived in, adult or not. So, as soon as we pick the state!

I had a dream we were going to “test” Florida but only for a few days. I'm going to want to test it for a few months but hopefully, the dream was a good sign. Like most older people, I have gotten less emotional, less sensitive, and less self-conscious with the wisdom and maturity that comes with age. However, it's going to be one seriously emotional day the day we walk out of here for good! It almost brings tears of joy to my eyes just thinking about it. After so much misery, so much anxiety and some depression (and a whole shitload of noise while I was at it), and thinking I was going out of here in a body bag a few different times, it's going to be pretty damn awesome when I walk out of here alive and well, hop on that airplane, and just fly away. I’ll be nervous going into the unknown but excited as well.

I've been a little tired today so I had the tea with the ginseng, but I can't say that it made any difference. I would be a lot more tired had they woke me up a couple of hours earlier than they did. Tomorrow I may be more than just a little tired depending on when tomorrow's wake-up call is. This is why I both love and hate being on nights. The nights are more peaceful (when there aren't any fireworks) but trying to sleep during the daytime is hell. I don't understand how so many people that work graves do it though not everybody is just a few feet from a busy street or as light of a sleeper as I am. Wish I could always be on days since I'm a lot better off emotionally, I sleep better at night, and it's more convenient for things like appointments. Its only negative is the noise. Things are getting worse in this world and I honestly don't know that we can get that much quieter even out in the country, but one of these days soon enough we'll find out.

I accidentally caused the washer to lose its mind by pressing too many of the wrong buttons too fast. Tom had to flip the breaker and reset it that way. Sometimes I'm sorry we bother with all these high-tech things. Definitely want to go back to top-loaders, though. Front-loaders are too high-maintenance and smelly at times.

Dixie said she’d be out watering at 6:30 and that I was welcome to come down and chat with her but she has a very soft voice, and while it's soothing and relaxing to listen to, it's hard to hear her over the running water along with all the background noise. Plus, as I told her, I'm a little tired. I'm glad she's liking the story I've been sharing with her a little at a time.

I can never make up my mind whether or not I want to use my public MD account for journals or stories so I decided it couldn’t hurt to mix in both.

Noticed the lymph node in my neck was a little more swollen last night so I may go ahead and message Doc A, only I’ll ask for advice and not to come in sooner. Haven't felt soreness in the groin one, though, so that's good.

Not sure if the Lamisil is helping my nails. The discoloration may be fading a bit but it's too soon to say for sure.

I’ve got a chicken thigh, some broccoli, and a cut-up potato cooking in the crockpot in marsala wine sauce and it’s pretty good. I kind of like those little tubs of whipped butter. I can hold it upside down over the crockpot, rake it with a fork, and sprinkle little specs of butter evenly over the food.

7/5/2020 Sunday 6:19 p.m.

Although it was only for a few seconds, I got to potty to the sound of that nerve-grating saw I want to run over and smash over the guy’s head so fucking bad. Why are we such a magnet for retired contractors/construction neighbors? Jesse, Bob, the guy down the street, this cock… They make the WORST neighbors. This is obviously what he does be it for his job or a serious hobby. I’d rather the last guy and his loud car before he had a stroke, and even his blasting TV.

I get what Tom means about not all things being worth complaining about and about letting some things slide, but I don’t know. I’m getting kind of tired of keeping my mouth shut because this one may do that or because that one may react poorly. As they say and as I learned the hard way, people only have power over us if we let them have it. We still have a long time left here and the odds of the damn cock being questioned by prospective buyers aren't that great and even if he was, that doesn't mean he would mention my asking why there was so much sawing over there if I chose to do so.

If he can be doing this shit this often in 100-degree temps, I hate to think of what the winter may bring. Also, the longer no one says anything, the more he's going to think it's okay and be likelier to make a racket. Well, it's not okay. Maybe it is for some people, but I find it pretty damn annoying and distracting. If I knew it would always be a few seconds here and a few seconds there, fine. But I don't know that. Besides, I didn’t come here to listen to loud power tools!

But there are things about him that do suggest he may take poorly to complaints. Just the fact that he's doing this so often and that he never went around to his immediate neighbors to say he did a lot of sawing and to let him know if it bothered anyone is enough to tell me he doesn't give a shit about others. It's definitely seen as a sin to complain in the West. In the East, people are less likely to hesitate to complain about whatever.

Either way, why is there always someone doing something? First it was Bob's projects. Then it was the contractor down the street. Then it was the loud car. Now it's this shit. I'm glad he can't override the sound machines but enough is enough!

Now on to bitching about the fireworks, although that was nothing in comparison since that was just a holiday thing and not an every few days thing. Worst ever, though! Another “never before” for LV. Never before have I heard such a steady, loud flow of pops, booms, and bangs. I felt like I was in a fucking apartment. Most of it I tuned out like I would with the hunters in Maricopa. It was those sudden and extra loud fireworks that got annoying. I've definitely had enough and hope there won't be any grand finales tonight to use up any leftover fireworks.

Sometimes I wonder if we should skip Florida and get something with 10 or more acres of land elsewhere where it’s more affordable. One or two acres is better than nothing but with some sounds being so ferociously loud, I don't know if it would be enough of a distance between us and the neighbors. So many people are so damn loud and it only gets worse and worse.

I forget that it's cheaper to run the AC on the weekend so we're going to set the home AC at 78 at that time. Then we'll bump it back up to 80. During the week I try not to do dishes and laundry unless it’s between midnight-6 a.m.

Did some cholesterol research and was totally surprised by what I found. As expected, eggs are the highest in cholesterol with over 200 mg. What shocked the shit out of me was that four pieces of bacon are only 30 mg. Pork and chicken range between an average of 60 to 80 mg. If that's not shocking enough, how about shrimp? That's around 160 mg! It really surprised the hell out of me. I have been thinking about going low carb again a little more often and struggling to come up with something that would be low in sodium, cholesterol and carbs but with a little fiber in it to replace bacon and eggs. But now that I know I'm not killing myself with bacon, I just need to replace the eggs. There isn't any fiber in cottage cheese, so that might be a good substitute.

7/6/2020 Monday 7:09 p.m.

Sent Doc A a message about my lymph nodes, including giving her some history regarding when I first noticed the one in my neck, the nodules discovered in the ultrasound from before I started seeing her, and my root canal. I was hoping against hope that she would reply with some simple tips and pointers but instead, all she said was that while swollen lymph nodes were usually benign, she'd like to schedule an appointment, so please reply and let her know if that's okay so they can call me. I declined, saying that I'd rather wait until our October appointment since I'm not in any serious pain. Plus, there's the virus and money to consider, especially the virus.

There were 30 new cases today in our ZIP code alone. 9 dead in my city, if you can believe it. They tend to underreport. If I had to guess, I would say the global death count is really over a million. Still not that worrisome out of 7 billion people but we still need to play it safe as much as we can.

I'm now wondering if what's going on with my fingernails is onycholysis. When I looked at images, the pictures I saw looked similar to how my nails look right now. My guess is that the Lamisil isn't going to do me any good any more than staring at red dots for 3 minutes a day is going to improve my vision. I’ll still give it more time, and at least I'm not in any pain from that either.

I offered to visit Dixie yesterday, but she was tired. She's tired today too but says to let her know if I want to come down. She says Diane's being a brat and she's doing some paperwork for a living trust.

I let her know that I'll probably take the bike out around 8 and will look for her then. I've been enjoying a mix of exercise. I ended up getting a total of an hour yesterday doing 15 minutes of biking, 15 minutes on the treadmill, 15 minutes on the skier, and 15 minutes of dance cardio.

Damn, does the girl in the video make it look easy! But hey, she's probably 25 years old and 110 pounds. When you're as heavy as I am, you don't realize just how much your arms weigh until you start waving them around like crazy. LOL

I've got over 2K words for Camp NaNo. Hate the fucking site now, though. If it weren't for my buddies I would have left. Things are harder to edit, it said I won when I accidentally entered the numbers incorrectly, and I can't even see my synopsis or excerpt. The whole site sucks.

Since it's been a while, I let the rat run around, but he only stayed out for barely 10 minutes. So cute. He really is a good rat. Not the greatest but a damn good one. You can tell he's getting old, though, because his fur is starting to thin out.

All was peaceful last night except for a few scattered firecrackers/works. Days definitely suck. They're hard to sleep during and the noisiest, too. They're only good for appointments and they do help my mood unless it's winter or I'm alone too much. Cold, cloudy dreary days can get to me as they did in Oregon.

Tom said he didn't hear it but saw the circular saw in the driveway when he went to pick up some mail. Oh, I'm sure it wasn't there for decoration and that he was just unable to hear it from his office when it was running. I slept till 4, so I was lucky enough to miss that and the water shut-off.

In the mail were 4 perfume samples for women and 2 for men. They all smell nice.

Had a series of disjointed dreams where we were in a hotel, but it didn't seem to have anything to do with moving. We knew the woman in the room next to us and while I was in our room, I heard her shout out and was worried something happened to her. I kept my eyes on the crack under our door for fear of seeing movement from someone who might be after me next.

Then I grabbed my phone and called Tom who was down in the hotel's casino - were we in Vegas? I asked what happened and he said the girl just hit her head and that she hired someone to help him win that night.

Then I was outdoors where I was thinking it was such a beautiful day. I looked overhead and saw these strange looking trees, leaves now fully budded as if it was springtime. I walked on and came across a swimming pool where three or four girls in their twenties were happily splashing about.

Then it was nighttime, and we were in our hotel room again when I noticed he left a light on in the room’s closet. I tried to tell Alexa to turn it off and then realized that the room wasn't “smart.” I also realized I'd forgotten to take my sound machine but managed to find white noise somewhere on the TV.

7/7/2020 Tuesday 10:45 p.m.

I fell behind on my book so I'm catching up with that. I swear I hate the new NaNo, though! It no longer tells you how many words you have left to go before you hit your goal. Not only that, but I can't see my synopsis or excerpt without editing the project, so what's the point?

Big sites and change...I hate it. If the big sites like Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest are going to have so much change so often, I wish they would at least leave the old features alone. Adding new ones is fine but changing or getting rid of old ones sucks. When I first got hooked on Pinterest in 2015, I could see how many boards I had. Then they took that away and now I can't even see my total pin count. They've even taken away the feedback option but that's probably because they're sick of people bitching about all the change. Some people are going to do what they're going to do no matter what. They keep taking and taking but never adding. You know, like a convenient way to download our boards as we can download our photo albums, tweets, and journals from almost every other site in the world?

Another tired day for me and not because of traffic. I kept waking up a million times as if I was still in the worst of perimenopause. Sometimes I just woke up, sometimes it was to pee, and sometimes I was overheated. Why am I still having hot flashes in my sleep this late in the game???

What was strange was one dream in particular that I had. When I lost my parents in 2012 and they would often show up in dreams, I just assumed it was because they died. I don't remember when it was, but sometime since we’ve been living here, I had a dream that my father said, “Mom understands if you can't forgive her.”

I was thinking of that as I was relaxing for bed yesterday and also remembering the dream my grandmother was in back in the 90s telling me to pick new goals and dreams, and I couldn't help but wonder if it was them sending messages from somewhere beyond. Still not sure if there is a God or an afterlife, but yes, it definitely made me wonder.

So as I was falling asleep, I mentally asked my parents to send me a sign in my dreams if they were still out there.

I got up a few hours after crashing to pee and realized at that time that neither one of them had shown up in my dreams. I wasn't surprised because I've tried this before where I would call out to them and request that they make their presence known in my dreams somehow, and nothing happened.

But then I fell back asleep and in one of the dreams I had, I didn't know Tom. I was staying somewhere with no way to get home. I was so broke that I wondered if I even still had an apartment to go back to.

I looked down at one of my hands and saw it was swollen and distorted which I suspected was from some supplement I had just taken. Too worried to care, I let a psychic give me a reading. Only she didn't read palms, she read upper backs, LOL. I knew she was for real because she told me things that there was no way she should know. I never mention not having kids yet she knew I hadn't had any. Then she said something about there being a lesson to be learned. She also said I was a something baby. It seemed to be a single-syllable word like prawn or prong, referring to something I was either given or restricted from when I was born. Then someone stole her attention away and I was determined to catch her later to find out what she meant.

Then I went and checked my phone and found that my mother left a message. It was something to the effect of just checking in to see how I was doing. I don't remember exactly what she said.

My phone worked differently than in real life. I was unable to call her back or retrieve her number in any way and I couldn't remember it off the top of my head. It's like my brain just wouldn't function. I couldn't think of the date and I couldn't think of anyone else's number either. When I mentioned something about my sister, some guy angrily said something about me starting a vendetta.

“No, I'm not,” I said. “I don't want to start a vendetta; I just don't want anything to do with her. There's a difference between causing trouble for someone and ignoring them.”

Then there were bits and pieces of other dreams. Tom and I went somewhere and forgot our masks.

We wanted a couple of rats that were 10 to 20 pounds and very friendly and playful only to find they were $450.

I felt guilty over abandoning some rat in a building after using it as part of a prank.

Back to real life… Yesterday's exercise mix-up was a 15-minute ab video, 15 minutes of bike riding, 15 minutes on the treadmill, and 15 minutes on the Bowflex. You definitely don't feel like you did an hour's worth of working out this way when you break it up and add variety.

I'm too tired to work out today, though, but if I absolutely have to be tired, today is a good day. That's because my tummy is a little sore from the ab video I did, waking up muscles I haven't worked in a while.

All my physical work is done like cage-cleaning, so I can relax for the rest of the night with writing, audiobooks and movies and not have to do anything other than cooking.

The honey garlic pork ribs I made last night were great. I was going to throw in another rib today with some veggies for one meal, along with bacon and eggs for lunch, and then a piece of chicken with veggies for my last meal. I don't know that I'm up to cooking two more times, but I do have a couple of frozen dinners, so I may have one of those. I need to use them up so I can go back to low-carb anyway.

Tom’s trying to lose weight, but I still don't see the point in half-starving ourselves and working so hard just to regain the weight with our super slow metabolisms. His life, his body, so he can do what he wants, though. I'm just making sure I don't gain.

I'm surprised I'm not hungry as hell today because I'm tired. Often times I would notice that I had PMS-like hunger when I would be tired and could eat and eat and still be hungry. So I looked it up and sure enough, a lack of sleep causes hormonal shifts that raises hunger. When I have those days, I have to make sure I don't eat any more than usual since it wouldn't do me any good to do so. Both the tiredness and hunger stay with me until I can get caught up on sleep.

I have a whole new theory when it comes to my loyal New York follower. I’m now thinking it's no one I know and that they’re simply not into commenting. There have been times I've added things in my journal entries like to please let me know if you're in New York or if you have a Mac because I have some questions and not only would I not get a response from her but none from others that also had Macs. Lately, they've been using Windows 10 more often, so I thought I would ask any Windows 10 users a question that I really did have. Not only was I ignored by NY, but also by the 4 or 5 other Win10 users in various states. I think some people would really rather just read and not write or socialize in any way. If that's the case, then it probably isn't anyone I've ever met in person.

7/9/2020 Thursday 12:42 a.m.

Tomorrow we will have been here for 7 years and today marks the anniversary of that scary day.

Where are my mood-influencing abilities when I need them? Really, I just want to smash that fucking cock across the street. Then I want to smash it again with the damn saw he's annoying the fuck out of me with.

Started to think I was influencing Kim’s health just by being angry at how unfair it is that she gets everything handed to her on a silver platter just to be in great health while Aly and I have suffered, but I guess she's had the tendonitis she mentioned on and off for a while now. Also, just like she happens to like everything we like, she has every problem that her sister and mother have as well. Well, she thinks she does anyway.

I crashed around 6:30 a.m. When I got up 5 hours later to pee, I could hear the fucking saw whirring loud and clear. Then I lay in bed until 12:30, unable to get back to sleep because I was stressed out. Tom was in the room farthest from it with his headphones on, so of course, he didn't hear it. He swore he wasn't home when he was out tending to the bushes earlier and that no one was home right then either when he stepped out to check, and the saw wasn't in the carport. It took me a few more hours to fall back asleep. It's amazing I'm not as tired as I was yesterday. I fell into a deeper sleep than the day before, but I do remember a 2-second dream where I was titling my journal entry something like All Bad News. I hope that doesn't mean anything! Oh, and I was kissing my old endo in some dream as well, LOL.

Anyway, it's got to be tied in with his job. Cock cuts something, throws the saw in the shed or his van, and then takes what he’s cut to wherever.

Tom was saying that it's not only him doing the sawing and while I do know that sadly, but circular saws have also become a popular toy amongst older people as drones have with younger people, I can tell when it's him.

Then an idea came to me that I'm sure Tom’s not going to like any better than the direct approach being from the west and therefore mostly anti-complaining. Plus, he’s paranoid. I, however, think the odds of any potential buyers questioning him in particular aren't that great, and besides, they would be talking about the park, not who was moving out. The idea is to leave an anonymous note in his carport asking him to lower the frequency of the sawing. Would it work? I have no idea. But this way, even if he suspects me, he can't know for sure who it was if I drop it off in the middle of the night. Unless he's got cameras with night vision, no one should see me. The area by his door is lit up but most of the carport is pretty dark. I could just toss it into the carport, and he can assume the wind blew it off his door or something. Of course, we would deny it if he came over here asking if we were behind it, but let him know that while he’s here, yeah, it does get a little loud and often.

Another benefit of this is that we keep the park out of it. The office will just counter-complain if I go through them.

In the evening when I got up for good, the blue truck, gold SUV, and a white pickup was visiting but they were quiet.

As I told Tom, if it was December or January that would be one thing. But we still have eight or nine months left in this place. When we move to the tester place and we're listening to annoying projects there, then I could tell myself it's only for a few months. But we still have a long time left here.

I just get tired of feeling like I have to keep my mouth shut and grin and bear it just so people can have their fun. I think that sometimes it’s okay to do what’s best for us and not worry about how others may react. As he always says, you can’t control or predict others. Well, I say that sometimes it's okay to put us first. Not sure letting him make a racket at my expense and just sitting back quietly and taking it cuz of a conversation that will probably never happen is best at least for me.

It really is a lot more peaceful at night during the summer here, though I’m still hearing some fireworks at night. That doesn't mean as peaceful as other places I've lived where I didn't hear a damn thing most nights. But compared to the winter when the only peaceful hours are between 12:30 a.m. and 5:40 a.m., it's a definite improvement. There are still some loud motors and helicopters.

My parents would have been absolutely livid had a motorcycle blasted in during the middle of the night. They would have been at the office for damn sure. I'm sure it was practically unheard of back then. The world has changed big time. I never expect a place to be 100% quiet, but it would be nice if at least anything that did penetrate the walls of our place was soft enough to be drowned out by a simple fan running or something like that. I'm tired of having to blast this or blast that just so I can focus on things in the daytime and be able to sleep whenever. We're going to have to get acreage to do that, though. Then we'll trade in the circular saws and other projects for barking and engine-gunning, but a few hundred feet away is definitely better than a few dozen.

Dixie emailed me a message saying that “a car with flashing red lights stopped by the turkey tree and lit up her room in the middle of the night and she never heard it leave.” Also, did I get mail from Linda about the break-ins were supposedly having?

No, we didn't, and as I told her, the red lights which drove past the big Cali oak that the turkeys sleep in were actually the paramedics that came to Lawrence’s place at that time.

She also said she stopped by the Twenties (as in stopped in her SUV as she was going by and spotted them outside). Because she's disabled, she rarely goes to other people's places. She said they seemed bothered by her stopping by and asking for information on these supposed break-ins I've heard nothing about. Sometimes I wonder just how with it she is.

Sure enough, Walmart screwed up when he went to pick up my meds and he had to make them do it again, giving me Sandoz. He said it didn't seem like Mylan or Lannett, but something else he'd never seen before. Yeah, something that could have me feeling anxious in a week and then wanting to die in another week. No thanks! Besides, every time I go back to Sandoz, I get the only side effect that goes away after a few weeks and that's lightheaded. Looking back on all the lightheadedness I suffered a few years ago, I can't help but wonder if some of it was because they were switching brands on me back and forth, and not all due to the peri.

Council Bluffs, Iowa visited my blog but I guess it wasn't Aly. Once I got an Omaha hit but she said she doesn't have CenturyLink and doesn't use Firefox. Today I got another Omaha visitor but I'm pretty sure it wasn't her because she doesn't have an iPhone. Cam does, but more than likely it’s someone else in her area looking in on me.

It’s frustrating that I can’t see where some people go. I don’t know why, but sometimes I get just the link to the site and not the entry they click on. I couldn’t tell where Nebraska went any more than I can tell where my New Yorker goes.

7/10/2020 Friday midnight

So much for claiming these summer nights have been peaceful when I was listening to the thump, thump, thump of bass from about 9:30 to 10:30. Seems like it was in the park somewhere. Again, why have these places if we're just going to act like we're all in the mainstream where anything goes? There is just soooo much noise in this world no matter where you go. I used to think it was a curse on me, and back in the 90s it probably was. But now, given how widespread this is and how many others complain about the same thing, it's like the whole world has gotten to be one big symphony of noise you just can't escape from. I think we would literally have to be in the middle of a piece of land that was at least 40 acres in order to get away from society's regular racket. It's just that there we would be more likely to get sonic booms. There really is no escape!

I hate to do it, but I think I am going to have to get to my doctor sooner rather than wait until my regular appointment. I agree that it's almost certainly benign, but it definitely doesn't seem normal either. It used to be barely noticeable and only some of the time. Now, it's more than barely noticeable most of the time. It's uncomfortable lying in some positions. If I get my head and neck arranged in a certain way that compresses the area, it can go from uncomfortable to painful. It sort of feels like pressing too hard on a bruise. So something's going on, even if it isn't serious. But as much as it doesn't seem right, I have a feeling there won't be anything I can do about it. I'll probably just have to live with the discomfort for the rest of my life just like with my TMJ, but that much is actually much better. Goes to show that yes, high elevation along with colder temps is not good for it just as I read. So that's another reason to hope Florida works out, even though I would rather have TMJ pain that I could throw ibuprofen over rather than lose my sleep and have possible breathing issues.

No change in vision or nails. At least not my fingernails. It's too soon to say whether or not the Lamisil will help my toenails. My toenails don't have any lifting or dark discoloration, though. That's only in some of my fingernails.

I'm just a little worried about the virus and costs as far as going to the doctor goes. Also, in the very off-chance that they do find something wrong, could it get in the way of us moving next year?

I had a dream we were staying in a hotel. I realized I didn't feel well and went down to the front desk and ask them to take my temperature. A young woman happily agreed although she said it would cost $0.30. I was saying how ridiculous that was, but Tom said not to worry about it and that it was all fine. Then she annoyed me by telling me my temperature in Celsius which was 47. That translates to 117 degrees Fahrenheit!

Not that I'm sick or think I'm dying from anything, but I realized that if I was suddenly told I was dying of something, it wouldn't seem like the horrible crisis it would have been 20 years ago. I guess it's just being older. Yes, if I knew I was going to die in a few months it would suck that we wouldn't get to move to Florida together, but I would only be going from one noisy place to another. The only improvements would be that we'd probably be on a quieter street and out of a flight path. But life would be the same old, same old, and that would sometimes get boring. I've pretty much done everything outside of my normal routine that I'm going to do in life.

It's been almost a year since Alyssa has changed her profile pic, and after doing a brief scan of the last handful of profile pics, this is the longest she's ever gone between changes. Starting to wonder if it has anything to do with me and she's just hesitant to change pictures because she's annoyed or uncomfortable by the thought of knowing I'll see it. I never wanted to make her uncomfortable, I just wanted to be friends with her even if we never saw each other and I rarely heard from her. I was stupid to think we ever could be, though. Why would a doctor want anything to do with a former patient any more than a current one? I guess their code of ethics extends further than I thought if they won't be friends with past patients.

Sometimes I still remember the pictures I had that I would communicate with. The celebrity pics that I knew without a doubt were host to God knows what kind of spirit or entity. I never doubted this for a minute. Never. Besides, if I could be psychic in some ways, why not in that way as well? I always knew that wasn't just wishful thinking or me being crazy in any way. It was real. It wasn't just some fantasy I brainwashed myself into believing out of desperation and loneliness. It was totally real.

I think how wonderful it would be to have many of the pictures back and to carry on from there. If the same “beings” could inhabit them and could remember where we left off, I would definitely have fun filling them in on the last few decades whenever I got bored.

Forgot to say in my last entry that yes, Kim and Aly are connected on Facebook. In their regular accounts, I mean. Figured as much. Aly isn’t a part of Kim’s group, though. It's kind of weird that Kim has her profile so private and doesn't seem interested in adding me but I’m glad for this because I absolutely would not want to add her with her history. Yeah, people can change in some ways with time and age, but as the termite proved, the tiger never really changes its stripes. One wrong move on my part could set her off and she could cause a lot of trouble if she was connected to my Facebook account, not that I wouldn't have enough ammunition against her. I know how to get ahold of her sister if need be. Regardless, I have real friends on Facebook, a cousin, and people I actually met face-to-face. Causing trouble on PB or Twitter would be one thing, Facebook would be another.

I also forgot to say that I did a test with pa. Before bed, I called out to him and asked that he show himself in my dreams somehow, but he never made his presence known there. So my mother showing up in the previous night's dream was probably just a coincidence. The 90s dream with Nana was probably meaningless as well since she was always a very negative and discouraging woman just like her daughter. So they could both be in Hell after all, if there is one.

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