Ruby

Ruby’s healing journey
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2020-07-24 07:22:33 (UTC)

Second diary

I deleted my secound diary as it was too depressing
I deleted my 1st diary because it was hiding trauma and felt sad and confusing to me

Hopefully this one will be my fresh start
I’m a 22 year old queer female
And quarantine by myself in therapy
For ptsd
I am also a lot of things
But that’s a summary of stuff

I’m wearing a black shirt and brown skinny jeans I drank a lot of fake sugary things
So I smell a bit like birthday cake to me

I like thunderstorms I wonder if thunderstorms are supposed to smell differently then rain I think they do I like how it sounds like the sky is venting and trying to get it’s feelings out it’s a grounding sound to me like hitting
A glass when your stirring tea
It also hurts me ears a bit though

I feel I am optimistic in a strange way I have intrusive thoughts that are always negative people often think negatively is more logical and probable or at least some

So I guess it’s not very werid
I don’t know what my therapist is going to say about my werid new coping skills for this but I like but I started buying fortune cookies as there usually positive I use this to combat random intrusive thoughts
Of course I know there fake
It’s just I have no self esteem lol in some ways
My old friend from middle school started following me on social media I thought she had grown up well she looks so beautiful last time I saw her I kinda wanted. To ask if she had a crush on me, but I am not talking to her anymore because she acts like a pedophile online
I feel like she might just tell ”jokes”
But there not funny I can’t support it

I feel frustrated I never tell anyone why there blocked but I feel it’s too much of a strange conversation I feel she is smart maybe I can block her for couple years and she will randomly change .
I feel torn I think she was hurt when we were younger but also she is being creepy kinda and though not to me others can see this also she says she babysiits...


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