chae

from my heart
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2020-07-23 16:59:33 (UTC)

what i cant tell my mom but wished i could

5:59 pm
dear mom,
im writing this letter here because i know you will never read it and even if you do, i doubt you'll understand it. sometimes i get mad at you unnecessarily and i admit that i have a lot of faults as well. i wish that we were able to communicate better but i dont know if its the language barrier or just the fact that we were born from different generations that makes talking to you so difficult. maybe its the fact that we are so similar, it gives us only room to keep clashing and getting angry at each other.

i love you so much but sometimes i feel like i want to run away. i know it seems crazy, how can i want to move away from somebody i love? anyways i just wish we got along better but its so hard. it feels like you can only constantly look at my flaws and emphasize how shitty and terrible they are when i already know and in fact im constantly thinking about it daily.

i wish you could just tell me that you love me and that youre here for me. i wish you could just hug me from time to time instead of nitpicking at my flaws all the time.

i know im not perfect. i know i take you for granted too. i know that you are so tired and you work endlessly day to night. i know that you wish you could have a break yourself too. i know you just want the best for me because you love me more than anything else in this world. i know you worry because you care

but it gets harder and harder to talk to you. when i try to tell you something im happy about, it feels as if theres always something negative to say about it. or you always have to input some type of worry, you cant just tell me "im so happy for you and you got this" its always "ok now that you did this , dont forget to do this or else it could cause huge problems" and I ALREADY KNOW. i just want a moment to be truly happy.

im trying my best. after all everything i do and my biggest goal is to make you not have to work anymore. i want to be successful so you can have an easy life.

i wish you can ask me about my day rather than about what i have failed to accomplish so far. it just feels like you dont believe in me or trust me.

i cant tell you any of this because i have already tried multiple times and it ended up in a miserable wreck. if i were able to communicate without one of us yelling at each other, this is what i would tell you.


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