Eris

Confessions of a Mistress: Journey of Recovery
2020-07-22 10:57:41 (UTC)

But You Were My Person

This morning I realized that maybe the worst thing you robbed me of was my "person". You were always there for a year and a half. Every single day you were there to tell me how proud you were of me and what a good job I was doing. Anything emotionally that I needed you were there. You listening to me and comforted me in a way that nobody ever has. You stripped away all my walls and you weren't afraid of anything you saw.

You always told me that I was exactly what you needed last year. I stopped you from torpedoing your life, but I don't think you ever gave yourself credit for all you did for me. You were my person and I trusted you completely. Even now I trust you. You made my anxiety melt the moment I heard your voice. When you were around I never had any insecurities or doubts.

I feel sick and heartbroken. My heart feels like it's hallowed and empty. I feel like a zombie; my body moves and I do things, but I'm not present. Not really. I'm so distracted trying to keep myself from falling apart that it's like I'm not fully there. You said that you were living in a sad condo that was as empty as your heart is now and flipped it and told you that it was full of potential; so much room for new, exciting things. You got mad and told me not to flip your metaphors, but you did laugh. This was before. Those late night conversations we slipped on in just the first week. Now there is nothing and I don't think you'll slip. You sounded so determined. You are fully out of my life, even though you are so physically close.

There is nothing that would tie us together. There is no reason why we would ever cross paths in the future. No danger of seeing each other in a few months and ending up feeling that little spark of regret.

I told you months ago that I was addicted to you. I think I am. I'm addicted to the feelings you made me feel. You made me feel high. The withdrawal is horrible. I'm an addict without a fix.




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