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Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-07-19 10:06:40 (UTC)

Fake it

I’ve learned over my 50 years of life, to fake it. I leave my bedroom to face the world, and I fake it.
I fake at life in general.
Fake it till you make it, right?
Eventually, you’ll start believing whatever it is you’re faking at.
A ton of people battle the depression, anxiety, etc, so I’m not special in that aspect.
They are inconvenient.
The way I don’t let them control my life, is by faking it.

I slept 9 hours yesterday.
Even tho Indio was here.

I was up from a nap, came out to watch WallE with everyone, and he kept asking what’s wrong.
Just stated I was tired.
I’m a big girl, I know how to get my ass to bed when I get exhausted.....
But he kept pushing me to go lay down, so I told Sheldon, I’m sorry, and walked to my room, kicked the shit on my carpet princess out, shut the door and watched the walking dead, took my medications, and by the time he came in, I went to sleep so I didn’t have to deal with him.

It’s Sunday morning.
We have dangerous storms so I bounced back into the living room and that saves me from the consistent Sunday one sided sex.

We have WiFi and cable tv coming Tuesday and Thursday.
There’s a few things that need to be moved so they can get to the areas to hook it all up. Wanted to do that yesterday, but someone said wait and let me help you. He leaves today, and guess what I will be doing alone? Moving stuff. Prime example of what bugs me.

I think he comes here just to have someone to chill with on the weekends. He doesn’t want to be lonely.

Still bitter over last night.
It’s ok tho.
Oddly, I’m still tired.

Will make a doctor appointment this week and see what the hell is going on. I cut back on my medications, so it’s not the medications making me tired.
Wondering if it’s cancer again. I have bruises on my legs again, like I’ve been beat, and I haven’t been.
That’s the one thing Indio has not done, physically put his hands on me in anger.

It’s been 2 days and no message from Dew Drop. I should just list him as I do on my phone, OscarMyer. That’s exactly how he’s built. Like a miniature thin Oscar Mayer wiener. Thick as my thin fingers. Made me laugh internally when I reached to grab it. No wonder he wanted the lights off every time. I’d be embarrassed too. Specially when I wasn’t satisfied. And yes, I told him to his face, and it pissed him off. Well, sorry. When you can’t perform and don’t put effort into other ways, and object and take offense to my extras I bring, well, then you asked for the slap in the face.

But, today, going to fake it. Put a smile on, act like I’m happy, and once Indio is gone, will do things that need done.
Will be nice to have WiFi next week. I will get my game days in when he doesn’t have his. Or I will make my game days every afternoon like he does. I’ll get back into Diablo on the PS4. Hardcore mode. I enjoyed that.

Will use my credit card and get the PSN for a year. Someone said he would do it, but tried using my card and it was declined and he said he put his card information in. Another lie.

I’m praying I get my approval letter from SS this week.

But, going to hop off here, get coffee and air conditioners back on. Disconnected everything due to the lighting that was here with the storms.


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