Jake 🇺🇸

Killing Lions
2020-07-16 09:49:00 (UTC)

Friends are far

I remember last year living with some of my best friends. I remember always being able to come back from work and seeing my friend Nick playing the piano or watching some movie. He was always someone I could destress with. Then on weekends we'd do things like run together, go shopping, volleyball, or get some people together and go hiking someplace. It felt completely natural since I'd see him every day.

My other roommate was the same way. We would do so many things together, and he would always be "down for anything." Though, he began a serious relaitonship and moved out of the apartment.

Then he decided that he needed to move on. He felt that he needed to move on and that there wasn't much of a future in this city -- the place he'd been for 9 years. I agreed and told him he needed to discover himself. So we "split up". The trio, both my roommates and amazing friends sort of... disappeared. Of course the pandemic doesn't make it better.

I don't want to make this entry too sad but I just feel pretty lonely right now. It could be why I enjoyed dating so many women but never really desiring a romantic relationship. I'm an extrovert and being around people is vital for me to feel energized and moving forward. Recently I've just felt like I'm im in a slump. Last weekend I went to church with my friend and that turned into lunch. My friend invited a couple girls and we ended up talking for like 3 hours. I wonder if it was too much, perhaps I smothered them with my obnoxious and possibly selfish runs. Idk. It's just uncommon for strangers to just invite me to stuff like that.

But yeah. I guess i just wanted to write this out because I'm finding it really difficult to work at home right now by myself. I can't do it. I can't concentrate and it's affecting my work significantly. I want things to be back to normal. I want to be able to attend things and be around people, but with this pandemic everything in-person is cancelled. Ugh.

I really thought I could just work through this pandemic and my progress would motivate me, unfortunately, I haven't made any meaningful progress and so in return, I'm not motivated at all.




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