z2smith

z2Smith
Ad 2:
2020-07-14 16:51:49 (UTC)

Way forward

I have been back home now since Tuesday. How do I feel now with passage of time? I am clear in my mind that I love her but I feel this time out is necessary. I feel it is necessary that we address the fundamental issues in the relationship even at the risk of the relationship ending as it may end up being a perpetual time out.

I think she has to take the initiative here. I say this for a few reasons. If I take the initiative I run the following risk (1) She may think I was wrong – even if subconsciously. (2) It may send the wrong message – that is, it can happen again as she may think I will always reach out. (3) She made a decision that I leave her house and go home she has to own that decision.

If she works through the door now – all my fundamental concerns would be gone and it will just be about ironing out the details. I need her to show me emotional recognition – similar to what I show her.

The elephant in the room is her tendency to want to be away from the person she is conflicting with. This although may be the right thing to do in some circumstances but it is not a panacea as this one size fits all approach can be very dangerous in some circumstances. This has to be addressed – sending me home because there was a malice created by her because she felt I had created a malice which then snowballed is a very dangerous action. It hasn’t resolved anything – it has certainly made the situation worse.

I am handling myself well because I have been here before and I have the experience which I do not want to go back to. It can be very hard but I will find a way to grow again. The experience with her was very good, I feel honored and blessed to have shared time with her and her family and she gave me the opportunity to feel like a man again so I am eternally grateful to her. There will be no point going back to a relationship where the fundamentals have not been addressed. I will mention them:

(1) We have to recognize and respect the pillars we have put in place – more so, we have to ensure we let the other partner feel he or she is recognized in the commitment towards the pillars

(2) Tendency to want to be alone – has to be addressed

(3) Neither should create malice – or negative environment. If there is an issue it should be raised and address rather than create a negative atmosphere. As we are not robots even if you feel hurt or believe the other party has done something wrong then take some time out (a few hours etc.) and then make a decision – either forget about it or park it away for an appropriate time and go back into a positive relationship or voice the issue by raising the concern. Also, there should always be an atmosphere where the other party can feel it is ok to reach out to talk about the current negative situation.


Ad:2