qt31444

npc diary
2020-07-12 00:45:28 (UTC)

my thoughts about sadness

i'm not a psychologist
so i do not ask for validation
this all just an opinion
of my observation yeeee

come to think of it, i never really got sad
like the real real sad
even tho i have the reasons to feel "sad"
when people react to things that makes them sad
i'm either feeling nothing
or i dissociate to feel something
is that feeling sad?
longing to feel something?
i wish i could talk to myself years ago. ha.

but fast forward to now
just woke up
then i hear this negative thoughts in my head
then everything just becomes 2dimensional
and things just doesn't matter anymore
in a bad way
i can't think of anything
i feel like i need to please everyone's expectation of me
need to make them laugh
need to be good
my thoughts in my head keeps saying that i'm bad
i mean i am but they don't need to torture me lol
i'm trying my best to repay my debts okaaaay
is this sadness or madness? i am confused

my old me, is quite curious feels like
they say sadness makes an artist
but it just feels limiting
and full of torturing
of things that matters but its not all that matters
its kind of a brain being on a loop
can't connect to any other neurons
well, i always hate the world limited lol
somewhere somehow there must be a way
to bridge imagination and reality
sometimes i wish for the messiah of the fourth maybe even higher dimensions to take me
even if its just a trip or smth smth

so whilst sadness is all limiting
it helps you see your surrounding
and be good to them
you pain to feel human
then happiness becomes a reward
not just a feeling
ye obvious stuffs





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