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Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-07-10 16:32:12 (UTC)

Please give your opinion....


Good morning
Friday
7/10/20
10:19am

Bit of a pickle this morning.

Woke to a photo and a message.....
Hey.....you know u hurt me as well I know you still think of me as I do you....pride is a sin and doesn’t let you forgive I’ve forgiven you and would love to talk.....quit being stubborn woman 😂🤣....u know I was good to and for you both plztalk to me?

Ok, first off, yes, I need to forgive. I get that.
Secondly, what the hell does he need to forgive me for? I never once put him down, belittled him, etc.
Thirdly, trust is broke, and that can NOT be rebuilt. Period. There’s nothing that can be said or done to rebuild that trust. So there’s no point.
Fourthly, what is it he expects to come from me talking to him again?

He seems to have a bit of an ego, does he not? So sure that I’m still hung up over him. Yes, I still think of him but not like I used to. I miss what we had, but am certain, it can never be that way once the trust is broken. Do I believe he’s changed? With the ego comments, no, I don’t believe he has. I’m sure he’s still an hourly pot smoker. I do not want to be subjected to that.

So........what good will come from talking?

I am pondering, possibly, writing a letter and stating my feelings that way and send it. That way, I can be careful with my wording and make sure it’s not something that can be used against me.

Can I get some thoughts on this from my readers?
What are your suggestions, thoughts, ideas on the topic?

Other than that.....

Extremely exhausted today. Feels like my body is bruised. I’m guessing from the mowing yesterday, and the weather. It does effect my fibromyalgia. Had some extremely dangerous storms last night for 7 hours. You could hear the zzzzz sizzle sounds of the lighting so close it sizzled through the house circuits.

Other than that, the usual mess, just different day.

“What’s on your mind” asked so many times it’s irritated me. I tried to crack a joke, and he took it serious, and I even said, “why is it you can make smart remarks and I am told that you’re joking but I can’t do the same?”
So, I’ve basically just shut the fuck up, yet again.

Tried asking why he’s insecure, and he asks, why do you say that, so give examples and he has them justified as usual, but seems lately like he’s questioning everything. Why it took me an hour when I said I missed his call cause I was in the shower, well, 30 minutes or so in the shower, had to shave, then 20 minutes to color and then 10 to 15 minutes to dry it. Proof is on my head. But everything seems to be questioned. But I hear his phone buzz and never asks a thing, but he always states “it’s an email”, and he ditches me 2 nights a week, 2 to 3 hours or longer to game with the boys, and not once do I question it.

His inability to trust and believe me, makes me wonder if he might be talking to someone else. Isn’t that what they say? The first person to say I think you’re cheating, is normally the one cheating. I have given him no reason that I’m aware of to assume or question I’m cheating. I’m on the phone with him 90% of the time, he’s here on the weekends or week days, and sometimes I’m not aware he’s coming and I have no issue with it. Video chat at night, so he can see there’s no one else here. But lately when I don’t answer a call, he wonders why, and 99% of the time I slept through the phone ringing. But he’s missed a few of my calls and I think nothing of it.

Am I insecure? No. If he wants to look for someone 1/2 as good as me, have at it. I trust him. I believe that he would tell me if he found someone else to make him happier than I do. Will he find someone to love him unconditionally and find someone who doesn’t argue, yell and scream, I doubt it. I’m one of a kind in that aspect. I don’t get angry, mad,etc, I get silent.....and wait.

Other than that.......
Well,

I’m going to eat lunch, and do more laundry.
My heart rate is slowly dropping back to a non dangerous zone.
Might grab a nap too.


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