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July 9, 2020 Thursday 10:59 PM
1. water dripping down from ur hands to ur elbows when u wash ur face
2. being so anxious that you can't really do any work without being subject to frequent thought attacks so all you can do is distract yourself with stuff that doesn't require a lot of input from your brain and you're so bored and you want to engage in creative stuff but you are afraid / you know that when you try, you will have those bad thoughts again and you will just feel so terrible that you won't be able to work for awhile. It's like if a severe cramp manifested psychologically.
I feel inert and I miss the vacancy in my brain. There was a brief moment where I knew I was sensitive to anxiety, but I was at once experiencing a lot of motivation, but that was almost immediately quelled by circumstance and now all energy is festering and I am stuck in my head and I guess I'll just sit here eating my peanut butter and drinking my water until I can muster up the courage to go take a walk (and to endure whatever thought cramps occur in the midst of that walk).
I think productivity is out of the question today, beyond the absolute necessary. If even that.
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