z2smith

z2Smith
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2020-07-09 11:35:19 (UTC)

Back to my routine

Now, I am getting use to my new reality of living alone again. I am working from home and I have a certification exam to do, so all these keeps me busy.

I also have plans to restart my golf so will be going to the range twice a week for 2 hours a day – may be Wednesdays and Saturdays. I also want to start my salsa lessons again so I will be using you tube lessons to learn which will be challenging as I wouldn’t have a partner. I also plan to learn how to cook some exotic food around the world. I have selected 2 soups/stews (from Nigeria) to learn. Then I will continue with my learning of Spanish.

I did my exercises and weights today – which was good and I will try and keep to the regime and make it part of my daily routine – at least on weekdays.

How do I feel about Linda right now? Well, if she contacts me and ready to talk all I will do is show her the message I posted yesterday – I think that shows all my emotions and how I feel. After that, we will see where we go from there. We are at an inflection point. If she doesn’t contact me so be it. I have learnt over the years not to worry about things I can’t control. I feel very strongly that I shouldn’t contact her, that is, I shouldn’t be the one that initiates the getting back together if there is one. I say that because she was the one that woke me up in the middle of the night to say I should effectively leave her house the next day and when we had the chance in her car when she came to drop me off (where we were arguing) she told me to get out and go and I am putting what she said politely. It is important that the scene is set correctly in any relationship otherwise any fault lines will crack or show eventually. I have to make her own her decisions.

There are 2 main areas that I think I have to address if we do get back together. I will highlight her responsibilities towards the pillars that underpin our relationships. She also has to show the commitments that I show. Not necessarily at the same level but ensure that I feel recognized. For example, her insistence that I hold her overnight irrespective of the situation is all well and good but on the rear occasions I do not hold her she should also hold me (and the onus will be on me to keep these occasion few and far between). Then the final thing will be her language – sometimes her use of words especially in an argument is very rude even if we excuse that to habit and annoyance sometimes her use of word especially when responding to my question can be demeaning. I always treat her with respect when dealing and talking to her.

My outlook? I will concentrate on my work, career progressions and exams and also the activities I mentioned above (exercising, cooking, golf, Spanish and salsa). I do not want to get into any engagement or relationship right now but just to concentrate, focus and get my (daily and weekly) routine right. Beyond that as the lock down eases I may enjoy some social events with my friends and who knows there may be opportunities to meet new people but I do not think I will be going into anything serious for a while yet.


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