hehe

overseer
2020-07-07 09:17:18 (UTC)

new rant forgot to upload cuz no light

6/23/2020
We had a blackout in our area, as our government is dog shit so we are unable to get for around 12 hours more. Poor me I slept around 7 which was a BIG mistake as I cant sleep now and pass this. I usually sleep around 4 pm will try again. But I don’t think it can work in this heat. I am on the roof and its getting pretty bad. Sad. This gonna be hard days night pun intended. And probably day as I am receiving new knowledge as I write these words. In these dark times, problems like this take a new form and make things worse. Hmm I am kinda scared now. I don’t know what to do. I have a book I can read that on the roof as the sun comes up. I can watch the sunrise too. Probably good for me as I will be alone. Not physically maybe but I want to be alone completely with one thing, no tensions. I want work like so that I don’t have to stress over it. Its kind of a moot point as that is probably not possible. I went on a tangent here lol. Atleast I am charging my phone so I can have music. My laptop will last 1 hours atleast so phone will be charged. That’s good really good. I never really asked myself why I want to be alone. Maybe I don’t want to please anyone or hurt anyone or disappoint anyone other than myself. I can do without intimacy. I mean its innate but I fight my innate thoughts and urges everyday so why not this one as the prize is long lasting peace. I am more alone than anyone I have ever known and I put myself above in this matter. Side not turned off my phone as it was not charging. Rn sitting around with 21 % charage oof. Now that’s a problem. I have to wait for sunrise then we il think of something. Sed. Ya back to the stuff. Should I put myself above them I mean they seem smarter sharper and better persons. On the other hand I am a self centered person who ….am i? lets say I am. I just gain their trust and keep them as companians and I see it as odd maybe its not. Take my friend M as an example. She sent a msg three days ago and I am reluctant to reply. There is nothing wrong and idk why I am not replying. Gonna make up an escuse to reply. I see talking to other people as work rather than comfort. Take kinda of best friend rn S for an example. It sees talking to me as confort I can see that. I know people who see talking to me as work as I do too but the point I should have made. I don’t know them very well and they are very different from me. So that is ok. But why it shouldn’t be work. It should be seamless. I mean i enjoy talking to them. listening to cash rn and he makes a lot of sense. Like a lot a lot. He was right maybe like I adore him. Damn he makes a lot of sense. I should follow his footsteps I mean not religiously, but passion to his work. I don’t know whats my passion is right now. I love maths physics and coding. I am the best in maths I think. I am good enough in coding but as I can see the last sem has proved that I may be not good enough. I loved the project there but it seemed stale. It is the longest thing I ever wrote but its stale. Its just routine. I thought OOP was this cool ways we can mathematical problems more seemless but I was clearly wrong. Its great don’t get me wrong I mean 1000 lines code in python is kinda cool and its working on top of that. I hope my lie worked with sir. I didn’t want to submit a project that is broken functionallility. Idk why It didn’t work. Like If I missed that in viva. It would have been catastrophic. I still don’t know where that problem came though it was fixable but there was no time. 18% rn hmm might last till 3 20 to 3 30. I am just writing my thoughts as they cross my head idk why seems good to pass time. Now I want to create something with mathematical component. A calculus calculator. But its gonna take a lot of UML diagorms to properly work. Also I am gonna learn some interface coding to make it better. I mean things like that are also routine. As I learned turtle is not a good graphical wait….i can use turtle for the graphs. I mean its perfect for that. Good so good. Its gonna take a lot of new knowledge and a lot of new things. I am looking forward to it. Ok I am gonna say this.back to my problems. As I made new friends in college which I don’t remember eve n part of it. Which is werird as 2 years as so hazy rn. It shouldn’t be. All I can remember is sir umer making me crazy and me and the boys going to gaming zone. I remember A not going for some dumb fucking reason. I remember K as the dad type. R as the weird chubby type. I remember comp period and we chilling in the AC after football. Which was really fun. I remember me doing track in 1st year. Which showed me where I can go if I put my mind into it. I want to go down that road again. But idk how now. Corona is a bitch. But I am not going anywhere. Probably have to lose some weight now. So in those two years I can say I was genuinely happy as I didn’t care about my result I found a new game to play and I like really got into it. Like really I like I played it for far too long now. I get better very slowly but I can make plays that are just oof. I need to you know get a little more serious. I am getting serious. My aim is better than ever now and I need to use my brain too now. It was good two years. I met a lot of great teachers. And I cant believe I like made the biggest group in our class. Like lmao. Pretty sure I made it. Some people joined in latter but you know. Weird the whole class was just geeks and geeks and they had all the power. I met a lot of great teachers. Which say a lot in me like math and isl teacher and some didn’t like comp but she was much better with me the next year idk what changed. Physics sir was the best . I remember me and A making him crazy. I remember our kind urdu sir who I ugh I am just bad at. He was good to me too. I told where I was the weakest and he tried to help me. Lets go to uni time now. Getting into uni was a melted ice cream cake a little hard. I applied to one and I got in one way or another. In uni I met a lot of people. This was the first time I was with the wahman kind and that helped me with anxiety before that I was like rag from big bang theory. The first person I met there was the person I was trying to ignore. Its 3 now. Suns gonna come up soon. I think me not freaking out is good for the soul. As long as I have music I am fine. She was nice to me. Idk why she was tring to talk to me. She read me like an open book. The first class we had was a intro class which I hated every second of it. It was boring so fuckin boring. But I read everyone there like an open book. Too when I first saw that person i made the wrong assumption but I was glad I was proven wrong. I don’t remember S there. I should. I remember LGS girl and I remember mr 22 and his mom she was nice too. LGS girl I thought was trying to hard and I was right lol. I remember the big girl I honestly don’t remember her name. she might be smart but man she reeks of wannabe. I remember M ohh how can I forget him. That piece of shit. I didn’t think he is ganna end up as my friend. I remember my first presentation thingy and how horrible it went and the look of disgust in that piece of shit suq lain eyes. Oh how I hate him. Idk why H and A was nice to me. Like really they both tried to talk to me.i remember one dude I tried to talk to and he ignored me after one girl talked to him. That was the my shit as I made assumptions. I remember one short girl and how I thought she killed someone. I mean she was short whos gonna suspect her. And she had the don’t fuck with me look. Oh I remember muscle dude oh I had fun with him . I remember I hit M with my uni card. I felt so bad.man good memerios. I hated M ( the dude ) with my every fabric when I first saw him. But idk he helped me a lot with my school work. He is a hard working. I hope M and M work things out but idk they will. Ya I hate L pun intended. Ah the first warning. I am at 1700 words. Lmao my research paper was shy of this lenth. Oh I remember(A) and she was also cool cuz she was the first person I couldn’t make assumptions about. She was more or less wildely different. And I am pretty sure I spent the most time with her. Also Ik my thoughts about S. its like innate. Any wahman person who is nice makes me want try that. But I can honestly say I am not looking for that because why would I. I think I am gonna end it here to change the phone a little more.




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