Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2020-07-06 20:06:48 (UTC)

In The Words Of Jacksepticeye: LAUGH!

If I basically know what every day is going to be like, than why do I freak out so badly? I will learn to secretly laugh at everyone! It may be taking me longer to learn than anything else my husband taught me, but damn It, I'm determined!
I don't know if I will copy anything I wrote about B in here. I may read up to his last day tonight.

I'm missing him now and wishing someone like him, Joji, or my husband were in my life! They are all similar - they are all my type! For those reading who might know who Joji is, cool, but please understand that I became enamored of him over the Filthy Frank stuff. I always say I discovered Filthy Frank and Joji music at about the same time. Starting with "Slow Dancing In The Dark," of course. But, as good of a song as that is, it's not even in my top 5 favorite Joji songs! Eventually, I may rank all his songs and see what number that one ends up at! The thing is, I'm fairly certain I'd seen a few Filthy Frank videos before I checked out "Slows Dancing In The Dark." And oddly enough, it was Vsauce, I believe who got me started watching Filthy Frank videos. I was binge-watching Vsauce videos and watched the human cake video that he was in, which was... a Filthy Frank video! And that video is filthy, indeed! Yeah, I had a crush on Vsauce several months ago. He's not exactly my type, but there's something about him. Possibly just the intelligence and quirkiness.

Now, I wanted to say, that however much I'm missing B right now, the sadness is nowhere close to my grief over my husband and is therefore, a nice distraction from it. Plus, looking back at these memories cheers me up.

However, the last time I used thoughts of B to cheer me up, eventually it lead to so much sadness, that I had to "let him go." I will have to do that again soon.

Maybe tonight after I finish reading all the memories of him, I will listen to "Aerials," by System of a Down as I was reminded in my writings of that being his favorite SOAD song.
I'm going to be okay. I just need to figure out a good way to get through work each day. Even though, I realize I'm irrational, it feels good to lash out -- especially at people who don't give a fuck about me! Nonetheless, they are certainly not worth losing my job over.

I'll have to learn to secretly laugh at them, for my own survival!

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