༺ ♡.PINKY.♡ ༻

Ramblings, Stories, Fantasies
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2020-07-06 12:35:00 (UTC)

??What do you get??


What a morning

Did my morning things
1. Coffee
2. Wash face
3. Stretch
4. Sit ups
5. Exercise bike
6. Read bible verse
7. Meditation
8. Pray

Got myself a Fitbit a few weeks ago
Been helpful on keeping track of what I eat, drink, and how much I walk, and sleep

Bought a new BMI scale as well. I’m 136.9 pounds, and my fat is high
Something I’m trying to work on
I would like to have more muscle mass
So going to really focus on doing things to better that
I already changed my diet to a high protein diet
Even with the high protein the scale shows my energy level low, same with my Fitbit

(Deep sigh)

I’m not going to dwell
What’s done is done
Can’t forgive nor understand a comment, then it never was true love
Just something because of boring life due to lockdown and no job, nor internet

I wonder if I could get assistance with things here
Will have to ask around
I do pray daily that I am finally granted my disability
Still struggling with muscle spasms that last sometimes an hour long
They drain me for hours afterwards

One was so bad last week in my right hand I dropped a hot cup of coffee on my legs and the mug broke when it hit the ground
I’m still not getting the proper sleep either
Says a ton of restlessness

No one seems to want to prescribe my Valium
My therapist thinks I’m addicted to it, but have not been on it almost 2 months and noticed a change in my sleeping
That’s the only time I used it

I keep running into my ex
He made a u turn and followed us to the gas station
Run into him every time I’m in town
That does not help my anxiety

711
He called
Surprised
Put on the happy face
Wonder how long I can keep that up
Will be harder if he’s around
I will work on it
Become the female human version of
JOKER
Put the smile on
Joke
Laugh
Be a master at hiding
Never show any pain

That’s my goal
I will perfect it
I work hard everyday
I will work hard at this as well
Even if it takes putting a thin needle in my sleeve, or shoe, and every time something hits in a non positive aspect, i punish myself with that needle

Tires are aired up in the suv
(Deep sigh)
So tired today
Fighting back tears

Been sick to my stomach

Heading off to do what needs to be done

Till later

“What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? You get what you f-n deserve”


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