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Ramblings & RL Stories
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2020-07-06 11:07:43 (UTC)

Struggle


Morning

7/6/20
549am

Drifted back off to sleep but woke to a nightmare
I can’t remember the nightmare
Just happened 30 minutes ago
Heart rate was high
And I was in a panic

I’ve been seeing the same numbers lately
They say I need to change my relationship or change my living place

Odd that has been coming up and now he is possibly walking out of my life because of a comment I said out of stress and panic

Seems like a continuous thing
Him being upset with me over something

I’m too negative he says

I’m human
I’m working on changing the way I think

On a different note

I steam cleaned my bedroom yesterday
It was filthy
Shelby keeps using the bathroom on my floors
He doesn’t clean it up
Nor does he see it as a big deal
Let me bring a pet there every weekend and see how he likes cleaning up after my pet making a mess on his carpets
I doubt that would last long

Anyho
It definitely needed to be cleaned
I’m going to grab more cleaner and do it a few more times
I want something with a nice odor tho

(Deep sigh)

Trying so hard not to SH. Been 3 weeks now
My urge to drink has been through the roof the past three weeks as well

I have his stuff packed
My gut says we are done
He changed his stuff on FB yesterday
I felt two weeks ago I was not the right person for him
The fact he’s always upset with me over something

Anyway
Have to finish getting up and ready to do things I need today

Till later


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