edible is just now kicking in
so it turns out, confronting unresolved childhood trauma is tough sledding. especially with the extra heaps of pandemic anxiety depression intersecting with disability anxiety depression and divorce depression. *~a fucking mess~*. and yet, i think i've located the exact moment when all trust was lost (forever?) in the humans who made me. i think it's at the crux of why my relationship with them has felt so wonked out for so long, as long as i can remember. but they've been so helpful and awkward nice, especially since my Return. i've been awkward nice. but i feel resentment strongly. glossing over shit, but it's obvious to me they've played a significant role why things have been shit. BUT i feel like i can't confront them, with this insight. the dynamic i'm dependant on them in a number ways, like many with disabilities are to their folks (in THIS economy). so these past experiences... and it just goes on like that.
tired phase of the edible has entered the chat.
WHY DO I TALK LIKE THJD NIW