Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
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2020-07-05 02:18:51 (UTC)

Why Can't I Join Them? 😢😢😢

It's one thing to be alone and single. I've been there, done that. It was fine. It's quite another to lose the love of your life and have no one else who loves or cares about you. My parents died years before he did. This is crippling loneliness. I'm not co-dependent, but even if I was, no one can be without love. It has to be one of the worst things, psychologically on a person. I fear for myself and my well being. I don't want to meet anyone online. I don't like doing things that way. I'm struggling to get a therapist, but even if I do, they will listen to me once a week and give me ways to cope with work, and that's about it.

I just have to keep going this way, until something changes. There's nothing I can do about it. I wish someone like B was in my life again... I may start copying stuff I wrote about him in here, but I'm not sure, yet.


Today was really peaceful, anyways. I'm surprised I didn't take a nap and that I'm not tired, yet. I've been awake since 6:00 AM. It's now almost 10:30 PM. I've had about 5 hours of very broken up sleep.

Could not seem to get off the political videos today. I was wondering why, but maybe its because it was the 4th of July? Much of it was depressing, of course, though the stuff I watch keeps me partly sane about everything. The people on The Daily Wire usually seem pretty reasonable about everything. Trust me, I'm skeptical of them, as well, but they are not sensationalistic and clickbait-ey.

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I'd been missing ShoeOnHead, lately. She finally had a video out today and it was so good. One of her best. She really covered everything going on in the world right now. Or, at least, America.

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I'm constantly trying to get people to understand how I feel, even in this journal, when it's more impossible than ever. I know I need to stop. It's time to stop! Where are your parents? Dead, Franku. Dead. Along with my husband. Everybody who ever really, truly cared about and loved me is dead. 😢😢😢


Why can't I join them, God?


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