Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
Ad 2:
Digital Ocean
Providing developers and businesses with a reliable, easy-to-use cloud computing platform of virtual servers (Droplets), object storage ( Spaces), and more.
2020-07-03 02:27:44 (UTC)

I'm Not a Zombie, But I'm Practically Walking Dead...

I am so drained. I know I'm not sleeping enough, but this is typical. If I were in better spirits, I'd have much more energy in spite of the lack of sleep. I've never been more tired in my life. People who don't go through it, don't realize how exhausting grief is. I can't even describe my level of exhaustion. I know no one in this world cares about me. I've given up without turning to drugs, alcohol and/or suicide. I do eat too much, but that is a year-long habit just continuing. I'm already so weak and tired all the time, I don't need to add being hungry to it. When I get hungry, I get pretty weak, tired and irritable. All these blood tests all these years and they still don't know. But, that's also because they don't listen. They are always telling me everything is fine and that my blood sugar is not high. Well, no shit! It drops every day and I have a little cup of soda to manage. I don't know how I get through work. It's insanely exhausting. Everything is.

I still talk to people, just because. They're not listening much of the time. And sometimes I talk about my husband and it hurts even more to be ignored, then. Im too tired to cry or get angry. It just hurts deep down.

My whole body feels numb lately, except for some stomach aches. I fear passing out at work one of these days. 😕

I'm constantly asking God to help me, in my mind. I feel like I'm waiting for His help... which, is more faith and less anger than I usually have, but let's face it... I don't have the energy to be angry.

I might as well be dead. 😢😢😢