Broken Glass Park
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Advice To Others Grieving (And Some Other Stuff)
I don't know how I've made it this whole time. I don't. My only advice to anyone grieving would be stay strong and cry a lot. Crying actually gives you strength, despite what people might say. It's a release that doesn't harm anyone. I mean, you may get tired and have a bad headache if you cry a lot, but I find those consequences to be worth it, as opposed to me, holding in my crying, getting more nauseous, nervous and angry, all at once. It's difficult if you're at work or in public, but you can let a few tears fall. I hold it back some, but not completely. I really don't give a shit what people think and for the nice people who ask, "What's wrong?" I can say that I don't want to talk about it, or I can talk about it, if I want. I just don't want to get angry. I'd rather feel sad. I'd rather be happy, but I'm hesitant to feel something so temporary and fleeting. I know other emotions are temporary and fleeting, as well, though they do seem to last much longer and be much more my norm, than these tiny, fleeting moments of joy. Of course, I laugh at stuff, here and there. Too much at some stuff and/or people... especially if they remind me of my husband. That would be Filthy Frank. So, if I listen to some sad music and have a good cry, I'll watch Filthy Frank right after and laugh a lot. Laugh probably more than I even would have because of the contrast to my sadness.
Crying helps make my nausea go away too.
I'm dreading talking to my "friend" again... whenever she decides to text me. I might let her know what's up. I may be honest. She's been offended before just because I said something like talking to people usually makes me feel worse. I guess that made her feel bad, but it's like, everyone I talk to, so don't take it so personally!
I've tried just listening to other people's conversations, without butting in and just being observant. Honestly, their conversations are often so stupid/negative, I can't handle it. If I ignore most of what's going on around me, I can actually just focus on my work. Like, a typical Capricorn, I'm throwing myself into my work. I strive to be like a Virgo, though - they are harder workers. I'm too into astrology, I know. I don't live my life by it, though. It doesn't prevent me from liking or disliking anyone. My husband was a Scorpio, but there's other Scorpios that are awful people, obviously.
Anyways... yeah, I can't handle any kind of negativity. I can't handle the daily bitching of people. I probably used to be like them, but I give up now on trying to give them some perspective. It's insanity to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results!
Of course, positive people get on my nerves, as well. However, if they are genuinely positive (and not being fake about it!), I eventually find myself drawn to them.
Like, B. He was actually such a realist, but he was so goofy all day - probably just to get himself through the day. Nonetheless, it got me through my day.
One time, I was moping about something and he walked by and said, "You're okay" or "you're doing fine." Something like that. I can find it in my journal later, though I don't know how much I want to read through to try to find that. 😕 I don't want to get overwhelmed and miss him. I'm crying right now, typing this.
I never know where I'm going, when I write lately. That's fine. It's not so structured and... controlled.
Even if I start out writing about one thing, I can end up on completely different subjects! I love going off on tangents!
The reason I started watching "Law & Order" is because of Jesse L. Martin. He's a cutie. He's my favorite in Rent. That's really all I know him from. However, I actually watch the parts of the show he's not in, which is quite a bit and am into it! That's how I know I'm getting old! My grandma watched it, but she called it "Lar" and order with her New York accent! Lol.