Ninja Girl

Diary of a Breakup
2020-07-01 18:40:52 (UTC)

Irritated AF

July 1st. 11:40am

I'm alternating between being annoyed with you and being full on pissed at you.

So you replied this morning to the SC message. Awesome. And after our quick little convo status check, I got super pissed. For me to be so pissed that i can't fall back asleep at like 6am is a pretty big deal.

First off, YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING LISTENED TO ME then S wouldn't have found out. If we had been ahead of everything and just said we were friends,then it wouldn't have been weird about the Rx or the appointment or how we were acting. I should have factored in that you'r a risk taker and being idle is the ultimate risk in something like this. I really should have pushed for my strategy instead of yours. And i'm pissed that you didn't listen to me because I have more experience with this shady stuff, you've repeated multiple times that this whole double life is new for you.

I'm also annoyed because it hit me that you're a total pussy. I say that with love. Partial love, because i'm so annoyed. I have no idea how your own employee has this much power over you (I'm starting to see why your wife is annoyed by your relationship). I've never had a boss, an employee, or a coworker where if i found out what they were doing I would give them the silent treatment. Like what the fuck, are neither of you capable of talking like fucking adults? And also, I realize she was put in a bad situation, it really shouldn't be that hard to say "i made a bad judgement call, I didn't want to get you involved so I thought this would be better". Then she bitches about it, you apologize maybe once more, and then you move on. This is some serious highschool bullshit right there.

The two women in your life, you're a total pussy to them. Only ONCE can i agree that you truly fought back with L (when you were drunk and she was being perfectly fine, you were the dick). All the other times you'd raise your voice, argue, and then totally nullify your own points with statements like "...well but i did the budgeting, we're okay for now, we'll be fine".

I thought maybe that was just the marital dynamic you both had but now that I see it with S...holy shit. Literally the opposite of an alpha male.

I loathe confrontation and even I'm like "yeah no i wouldn't stand for half that shit".

So here we are. Even if somehow we decided to be together, after your divorce S would become the #1 woman in your life. And she'd call the shots. I bear her no ill will, she's perfectly lovely and worthy of all the online praise she receives. It's that you created a power dynamic where she had total control: whether she stays or leaves, whether she'll talk to you or not...like wtf.

Today was the first time I can say: i lost some respect for you.

Which is rough, because i respect(ed) you SO much.

This definitely makes the next month of zero communication SO much easier.

And throughout all this I know that i need to be grateful because you're doing me a favor. I HATE people doing me favors like this. Because when there's a problem, you can't say sh*t about it. At this rate i'd rather get my deposit back (it was just at the price point where i want it back instead of eating the cost) and go to someone else, even if it costs me more. I really am appreciative of the offer and i know i wouldn't be able to afford you or a professional of your caliber normally but really...i've lived this long with a sh*tty job done, i can find someone cheaper who will do a mildly better job.

You love drama. You may say that you don't, but repeatedly you put yourself in situations where there's drama and fighting around you. That's not my jam...I love heated discussions and debates but anything with anger and hostility, i'm out.

I never thought i'd have to tell you to MAN THE FUCK UP.




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