marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2020-06-29 10:47:39 (UTC)

Reflections of a carpenter's helper

I've been thinking on the last week, this past weekend, M and me. While i am more aware of my needs, i am at times confused or perhaps overwhelmed by their intensity and how i go about getting them met. Make no mistake, whatever M expresses a desire for, i am the one who needs to give consent. Consent is our balance. For a bit, i wondered if that balance was tilted away from me these past days. But this weekend, that sense of disparity passed.

M and i had a project this weekend. Together, we built a St Andrews. Solid and imposing. Like our relationship. Yes, sometimes i whine and wallow in my insecurities, but in the end, i understand my needs and how they serve our relationship. And i have faith he will not betray our bond. i was wondering about myself, how i agreed to open myself up in the most intimate and compromising ways, to this friend of his. Just because i had fucked him before was no reason to repeat. i am supposed to control my own self. Was M taking advantage? i asked him about it. He said, "Now you know why we are making this cross, together. "I never allowed Peter into the playroom," he noted. And that's true. He never saw the 20's vintage gyno table nor that wonderfully finished bench with it's uncharacteristic rough hemp rope restraints. He never got to inquire about that dichotomy, nor did he have the opportunity to ask why the upward tilt and why so low to the ground. Well, to suit its purpose. Precisely. And Peter's unasked questions assured me that M and i are solid. So much so i feel more at ease to push myself to go further. Put my faith in him to lead and understand me and my limits.
So tonight, we will paint. He gave me my choice of color and i opted for walnut stain. Dark, yet showing the wood has character. And if activity mars the grain, so much the better to remind me of where i have been.

i can't wait to get home tonight. It will be hard to keep my mind off our eventual use of this imposing addition. But i know what i am willing to give tonight and i am sure he will accept my desires tonight.

XOXO,
mariel




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