La Flaca

Dreaming keeps me sane

Today I found a picture of you and it made me miss you! I miss talking to you and contradicting everything I say even though it drove me crazy. I close my eyes and see you sitting across the table from me with that nervous smile drinking your rootbeer. We talked about nonsense stuff remembering our highschool days in mexico. Both laughing so hard of the dorks we use to be. Even though our lives changed and you merried my friend whom you then divorced and remarried. It was so nice to see you hug you and hear your voice. I felt a little insecure but never showed you how much. Always trying to feel strong and secure regarless.
The fallowing days for the first time I brought my self to admit just how much I have loved you all these years even though my love for my husband is there always you will always keep a part of my heart the one I am true to compleatly and the one that only you know and no one else has known. That crazy part of me that keeps me sane enough not to be unsane. The dreamer side of me the one that dares to dream and stay in a world that at this point seems to be so far away from my reality. This is why I write because some part of me wants to feel like I can be free in having no one know about this but me and you who is reading.
And is something so wonderful to know I can still own that part of me that keeps me from jumping out of my own skin.
I don't want to keep expiriencing this slow death of not knowing what it is I want for the years to come. I think skydiving will be the nest best thing I will do it just have to find a way to get to the location without my husband wanting to control every single thing I choose to do.