Scream Above the Sounds
2020-06-26 21:01:15 (UTC)

A Familiar Feeling

So my sister has been going through a breakup and is due to move back home in the next couple of days. I don't really know what happened in their relationship. I was told that she came home from work and he had vanished, he had supposedly got a train to Manchester and that was the end of it. It always looked like they were happy, but I suppose social media often dons the mask of 'the perfect happy couple'. My mum told me that I would have to go to their flat today with my dad and help her with the stuff that needed to be transported. I didn't mind doing it but as soon as I stepped through just the doors to the flat, I had a lot of negative emotions and flashbacks. It was weird and a little bit scary. I started thinking about the day I left my flat I lived in with my ex and it brought up a lot of feelings. Even looking from the top of the stairs window in the apartment outside where I could see my dad stood there with the car boot open, waiting for the inevitable. I don't know. It was like looking in the mirror. I haven't thought about that day in a long time, in well over a year. The last time i thought about it for a very long time was when I had a phone call from my ex, asking if I was okay to go to the flat and see if the door had been locked, as she was in work and was panicking that she hadn't locked up properly; I still had a key at the time. That was really hard. I didn't think anything of it at the time and was completely fine agreeing to it, but I remember going into the flat to see the cats briefly and then realising that I didn't live there anymore and that life was effectively over, it was just hard to take.

So I don't know, just a lot of feelings today. I feel okay. I had an e-mail from my lecturers today saying that we should get our predicted grades on July 13th and then I can just relax and wait until University. I would like to say things can only get better. I have another topic that I want to discuss but I think I'm going to leave that until tomorrow. It would just be too much tonight.

I hope everybody is staying safe.


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