marielmia

Mariel is MIA
2020-06-26 07:00:31 (UTC)

3 hole

Could be golf. Could be pool, but no, that's 3 pocket. Hockey? Dunno. But this week has shown me that it certainly could be speaking about me. Objectification. Why does it call me so hard? Why at work and with friends am i just this normal everyday girl, with everyday thoughts and needs, but at times in my life, this darker side shows itself. One where i just want to be out there for my M. What ever it is, i know it won't be too much. Why does it take me places the daily mariel never treads? i've been exploring myself in therapy, now a bit stunted by Covid, but i was better in understanding myself. Haven't had a hypno sesh in quite a while, but that i was starting to get comfortable with, opening up more. Can't understand one's self until one opens up fully. My past is so messy. my current is pretty fucked too. Hot mess comes to mind. Maybe i'm not quite that crazy. i just feel like two different people. My friends, job, parents on one side and my innermost desires on the other. Why are my lines of excitement and shame so close?


Peter is gone. Stayed an extra day waiting for M to decide on driving back to NYC with him. No, he did not. So after a last joint session of our congress yesterday afternoon, i dropped him at the airport. Kinda weird how after the past few days and nights of outright hedonism (for them mainly) and gummy soaked passivity (pussivity?) on my part, we could manage a convo. Small talk, really. Not even a mention of the things we did just hours before. Uneventful for him? Doubtful. Just he and M are the same. They have that in common and with others in their crowd up there. Got back home. Settled into the routine.


He rolled on me around 6 am this morning. It was fast and just for him. Half day in the office today. Can't wait to get home. Haven't showered since yesterday, so i'm laying low in my cube. Just thinking why i need one and what's M thinking right now.




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