Pleasantly Disturbed

Broken Glass Park
2020-06-17 23:32:43 (UTC)

The Cuties Of Life!

I realized recently why I liked B so much. He was always trying to make me laugh, even though I was in a crabby mood all the time. This must be why I thought he was cringy the first month and a half I worked with him. It was the end of 2018 and my husband was recovering from 73 rounds of radiation and 3 of chemo. Eventually, though, he got to me (B, that is) and I started laughing and he always cheered me up at work. My husband and I were going through a rough time and my job sucked as it always has and probably will. Maybe I was actually cheering up, thinking my husband was going to survive? That could definitely be it. I thought B helped me to appreciate my husband more because he reminded me of him. Maybe all it was, though, is I was happier knowing that, while my husband and I were going through a rough time, that we would make it through. I really thought he would. I'm a pretty negative person and of course, I was scared, but you still don't think the love of your life is going to die. You simply don't. He was very sick, but you can be sick for months after chemo and radiation, but be cured of the cancer. That wasn't the case, but of course, I'm going to think that.

I have some shame for having a crush like that. A month and a half after my husband passed away, I already had another crush - but, it was Ashby from FBE - someone I don't know in real life, basically.. Heck, I think the first few nights after my husband passed away, I had to play a playlist of Friday's With Pewdiepie to fall asleep. Pewdiepie is not really my type, but at strange, dark parts of my life, I feel attracted to him for a week or two. It's weird. I don't like the look he's had for a while now, but that doesn't matter, as long as Marzia does. Ahh... That's part of it... his love for Marzia. 😍😍😍 So freaking cute!

Well... this went in a direction I did not expect. I have too many crushes all the time... but, when I don't have a crush, that's when I'm in a deeply depressive state of mind. When I'm not able to notice or care about the cuties of life! Lol.


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