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2020-06-17 09:13:12 (UTC)

Had a busy morning. I was ..

Had a busy morning. I was feeling good, confident and hopeful. I texted Mary Lynn regarding a job but no response. Now I'm against it, regardless. Job interview tomorrow. I feel anxious, nervous. But I'll go for the experience, I guess. Also few phone calls need returning. Went to DMV at three o'clock in the afternoon for driver's license renewal but the long line discouraged me. Instead, I went to Ralph's for groceries. Then to Optical for eyeglass repair. The service was quick. I didn't know. I was already home when they called me on my cell fifteen minutes later. "I'll pick it up tomorrow," I said. Lear in mellow spirits because of Nico's presence. Pat came to help me re-arrange my bedroom for four hours. We realized our tiredness when we felt certain of our design. We stopped, unfinished. Alone, I envisioned arrangements that I'll execute tomorrow. The dogs are sleeping with Lear tonight. Fely and Noel went to Del Sol this morning. They mentioned a two-day sojourn but a text message about food at eleven at night imparted their being back home. They worry about me. I am beginning to worry too. Undeniably I cannot control my illness. Reason's ineffective. The real illness lies in my yearning for convalescence. Submerged, I get paranoid, too. I obsess wondering about people's thoughts about me. The cycle stops only to begin, ad infinitum. Compulsion dominates. "Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal." I might not but I need three days to face tomorrow.

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