kestrel

kestrel, walking
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2020-06-11 19:18:12 (UTC)

An Attempt at Prompt 079

79. Which of the following weekend activities would be your top choice and why: Sunday brunch, opening night at the movie theater, a friend's birthday party or bowling night out with the family? Which would be your bottom choice? Why?
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I'd pick going to the cinema for the opening night of a film, because most of the time I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. If I did socialize, I could just talk about the film. I'd likely have a friend's birthday party as the bottom choice because chances are it would be all about socializing, and when it comes to discussing nothing of consequence I inevitably become bored, uncomfortable, and anxious in varying degrees. I end up hanging out with the person's pets.

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Today was a rough day, personally speaking. I wanted to write to shift my mind to thinking of something else, but I realize now that the prompt was annoying, and I should just write about what's bringing me down, to work it out of my system and "flush it all down," as they say.

I had posted something on Facebook about how there's the Autonomous Zone in Seattle at the moment and how I thought of that as a good idea (and I still do, I see it as a way for the community to start making its own decisions and determining its own future). I kept my response civil when my sister-in-law - definitely "conservative" and family-oriented and pro-cop, as those things go - mentioned it was bad and "selfish." She's not someone with whom I'd want to rattle with a heated debate, so I was gonna just let it be. Another friend commented that women are victimized whenever policing is left to the community, and I had to agree. I affirmed my sister-in-law's statements, as well. I confessed that everything is heartbreaking to me these days, even this self-determination opportunity for Seattle. Men in general are just a bunch of fuckin' degenerates.

Also today, I was online-spectating a national conference for workforce development professionals (what I do for my day job). It was all about "proper investment" in workforce development, and "accountability" and "transparency." No mention of government. No mention of class consciousness - it was all about race. No mention of worker's rights. I became frustrated because it seemed like all the panelists were discussing cultural issues, circling round the idea that if we only spent the money we were given on the -right things-, we could solve all this inequality. But what about how the government disburses the funds? Where was the mention of who really benefited from the CARES Act? It certainly wasn't the average, working American. No mention of corporate or financial malfeasance, only corporate and educational "opportunity".

Why is the discussion all about shuffling the crumbs we're given, instead of addressing the systemic, class inequality? I shared my concerns and frustrations with my boss, our executive director, and she shared at least some of my sympathies. She also passed along notice of an upcoming conference that addresses things from a federal and state policy level. So I could... have a front seat to watch and learn how we're being screwed over?

At the day job... We had acquired some laptops to lend out to clients, and were all set to lend one out before the end of this week. Now, the client is nowhere to be found. The job coach called the client's number, and someone else answered, mentioning it was a wrong number. The client listed a PO Box for an address so the job coach won't be able to visit in person, and the client hasn't answered emails for days.

Is the client still alive? Did the client have a PO Box listed for personal security reasons? Was the guy who answered the client's phone a jealous, abusive ex? We don't know.

Finally: a friend of mine's dog died after a five-day struggle with side effects caused by Frontline (an anti-flea/tick medication).

Today was just so damn disheartening in so many ways. It would be nice to just go to sleep now, with the assurance that tomorrow shit will be sorted. But it ain't gonna be better. Dammit, man. I told my friend whose dog died: "Today was the kind of day to make it an easy, early night." I think I just didn't want to try so hard to enjoy our game night when I was just preoccupied with negativity.

The bad news is: tomorrow is another day. But the good news is: tomorrow is another day.


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